Doctor Who Weekly Writing Task

[firebreathingfishies]

Help keep this thread tidy and keep the chatter here please: Doctor Who Writing Tasks


Only post your stories in this thread (eesh i sound all authoratitive )

Week One

The consequences of one bar of Alien Chocolate.

Either 9th or 10th Doctor, any companion including Rose, Martha, Donna, Captain Jack etc (anyone who's been in the Tardis, you get the picture). Any length, although don't go insane and do thousands upon thousands of words. Maybe make 2,000 words the limit. Or whatever you lot think. Apologies if you think the idea sucks, but it's to get your little tinpot minds thinking of a good story to go along with it!

We'll make the deadline next Friday (11th July) so everyone can have a chance to think of something, although if you want longer just say. Then the next person (you can decide who's next) will come up with a new idea next Saturday and we'll start again. If that makes sense. So... um... GO!

[firebreathingfishies]

I did mine very quickly... and it's very strange so I apologise

-----

‘That was amazing!’ Donna laughed as she stumbled back in through the doors of the Tardis, confetti still in her hair. The Doctor followed behind, a wide grin stretching his deceitfully youthful face.

‘That’s the Steipar race for you!’ he beamed, brushing the glitter and confetti from his shoulders and hair. ‘They’ll have a party for anything. Did you know the reason behind that party?’

Grinning and peering into her gift bag, Donna shook her head. ‘What was the reason?’

‘Someone found some money down the back of the sofa. Seriously, that lot will find any excuse for a party. I came here once and they threw a party because I was wearing my glasses. They loved it.’

‘We have to come here again.’ Donna beamed, reaching into her bag. ‘It’s my favourite place. Next time, we’re staying until it’s over.’

‘Oh we wouldn’t be able to do that,’ The Doctor shook his head. ‘They’re not like human parties. It doesn’t end when the last person passes out or when it gets light again. These are parties. They go on for at least a week.’

‘Week long parties?’ Donna cried, delighted. ‘That’s even more reason. And I feel like a kid! It’s like a goody bag. It’s full of sweets!’

The Doctor peered into his own bag. ‘Yeah, about that… You should go easy on them. It’s not the type of confectionary you’re used to.’

Donna’s smile faltered. ‘How’s that?’

‘Have you ever had a sugar rush?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well imagine that, times a hundred. Their version of sugar is a lot more concentrated. It’s more like a drug than a sweet.’

Donna cocked an eyebrow. ‘You mean those people give out bags of drugs to children.’ She placed a hand on her hip and wrinkled half her nose.

‘Well they’re not really drugs, Donna…’

‘Disgusting.’ She snorted, not hearing him. She dumped the bag on the control panel and crossed her arms over her chest. ‘What an irresponsible bunch of… of nutters! I mean if it’s not bad enough they drop everything to get out of it at every opportunity they neglect their youth! Disgusting.’ She shook her head, frowning. ‘Is there not some kind of universal NSPCC we could call?’

The Doctor as half smiling at her, amused. ‘I don’t think that will be necessary Donna.’

Donna shook her head. ‘Well if they think I’m going to eat that stuff then they’ve got another thing coming.’

The Doctor sighed. ‘It’s safe! Really! It’s practically sugar! Do you want me to prove it to you?’ He reached into his own bag and pulled out a bar of chocolate. He unwrapped it, snapped a piece off, and popped it in his mouth. ‘Harmless. See?’

Donna looked at him dubiously. ‘You’re not even human. You’re not exactly the best guinea pig in the world, are you?’

The Doctor rolled his eyes, chewing on the piece of chocolate. ‘It’s actually better for you than your kind of chocolate,’ he explained. He swallowed and took another bite, a bigger one this time. ‘You’re chocolate is packed full of additives and… well, crap basically. Eat too much of it and your teeth drop out. And it gets sickly after a while, whereas this stuff is kind of softer so you don’t get that horrible sticking to your mouth sensation which means you don’t have to have a barrel of water on standby for when you’ve ate about three squares of chocolate and it’s not fattening either so if you suddenly decide you do want to eat ridiculous amounts, which you will because it’s gorgeous then it’s not as if you’ll wake up one morning with cankles or thighs like walruses-’

Donna looked at him with her eyebrows drawn together. ‘Uh… Doctor?’

He put the rest of the chocolate in his mouth and continued to ramble, picking up speed. ‘Although there are some products that have the opposite effect on some races, you just have to lick it and next thing you know you’re twice the size as you were originally and your clothes are ripping open like the Incredible Hulk. I met the guy they based the Hulk on and really he was a hell of a nice guy apart from when someone asked him for the time and then rrrriip! You’re dodging buttons pinging around the room-’

Donna moved forward tentatively and removed the wrapper from his hand. ‘I think you’ve had enough chocolate…’ she told him, watching him as he writhed his hands in front of him. His big eyes were darting around, seeming to look everywhere at once.

‘Huh? Me? No. I’m fine. Are you hot? I’m feeling a bit hot.’ He pulled at his collar and began to bounce a little. ‘How about we go somewhere fun? We’ll go for a run or something. Yeah, that sounds like fun. Or maybe we’ll go back to that party for a bit, eh? Yeah, you like parties don’t you Donna? Everyone likes a good party.’ He moved past her quickly back towards the doors. ‘And this lot know how to party. You like the Time Warp, Donna? I love that song. I know I shouldn’t because it’s so sickeningly ridiculous but I can’t help it…’ He jumped suddenly, taking Donna by surprise. ‘It’s just a jump to the left, and then a step to the riiiight! With you hands on your hips… you bring your knees in tiiiiight! But it’s the pelvic trust that really drives you insaaaaaane… Let’s do the Time Warp again!’

Donna watched him sing and do the dance in complete astonishment. For once in her life, she was completely speechless.

‘What are you standing there gawking at me for?’ The Doctor grinned, his right eye twitching as he danced from foot to foot. ‘There’s a party out there!’

He ran out of the doors and immediately began singing again. He was greeted with equally excitable cheers. Donna stared at the door, mouth hanging open. She glanced behind her at the bag on the control panel. She hesitated, and then shrugged.

‘Well if you can’t beat them…’ she mumbled, and picked out a chocolate bar. She ripped off the wrapper and stuffed it all in her mouth. She chewed, swallowed, shuddered, and then ran out after the Doctor.

[Lupinbell]

Here's my effort.

9th Doctor: That’s fantastic! Rose? Have you seen this? 5000 bars for the price of 4999!

Rose: Doctor, are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean that thing looks very Cyberman.

Vendor: Buy Cyberbars! Delete your hunger!

Doc: C’mon Rose. My hunger needs deleting!

Rose: Fine. And I suppose if anything happens you are the doctor.

The doctor buys the 5000 bars with the unlimited money thingy (see The Long Game)

Doc: I have an idea. We go to Earth, sell these bars, we’ll be rich!

Rose: Doesn’t that go against everything you stand for?

Doc: I’m anti-evil not anti-money. There’s a big difference, why do you think MTV’s still around?

Rose:………

The TARDIS lands on Earth 21st century and the doctor drags a market stall out from somewhere in the depths.

Doc: Roll up roll up! Best candy in the galaxy available here! I should I’ve tried everything else!

Many people buy the bars. All 5000 are gone in minutes.

Doc: counting money. 100, 150, 200

Sometime later……

Doc: 2450, 2500. Two and a half grand! Rose Tyler I’m rich, and for the first time its real money! What do I do with it now?

Rose: Doctor… We have a bigger problem.

Doc: which is?

Rose: I think that candy bar turns people into Cybermen!

Doc: what gives you that idea?

Rose: Nothing really; just the 5000 Cybermen running round London killing anything that moves.

Doc: Ah. Time to go!

Rose: You’re the doctor though! Aren’t you meant to stop all this effortlessly?

Doc: This isn’t a Russel T Davies script Rose. There’s no magic “off” button to make it all go away. They won’t take us alive, and they sure as hell won’t take us to HQ. Nope. We leave. NOW.

Rose: But those people; they’ll all die if you don’t help.

Doc: If could help them I would, but theres nothing we can do. Anyway, how will they build facilities to make more? Best bet is to let the military deal with them. Anyway, the techno parts are in the food; once the food……Err……. Leaves the body, they should be fine.

He starts the TARDIS

Rose: So they’ll be fine after they poo?

[monster-eats-pilot]

“So where are we going this time?” asked Donna hopefully. Recently the Doctor had been taking her planets he wanted to go and she hoped this time he’d take her some place she’d really enjoy.

“Just wait and see” grinned the Doctor.

“Why?” she asked suspiciously. “It isn’t going to be somewhere where you’ll walk around grinning like the Cheshire cat and I’ll follow you around like a little child then I’ll get bored and end up sulking and you’ll end up dragging me back to the TARDIS and…”

“Donna!” The Doctor interrupted “Do you ever stop taking?! Actually don’t answer that. We’re here.”

Donna pulled a face behind his back as he opened the TARDIS door. The Doctor turned around and grinned broadly at Donna as he pushed the door further open and stepped back so she could see outside. “Welcome to planet Chocolate.”

“You’re kidding!” laughed Donna as she ran outside and looked round in disbelief. Everything was made of chocolate. Donna couldn’t believe it. “I’m dreaming aren’t I? You’ve taken me to some boring planet and I’ve fallen asleep and I’m dreaming.”

“Nope you’re not dreaming, just go easy on what you eat, remember this is their world it’s like someone coming to Earth and eating your house.”

“You mean I can’t eat anything at all?” asked Donna, the disappointment in her voice breaking through.

“I’m just saying don’t eat anything yet. This is their planet, they have to live here”

“But….it’s chocolate!”

“Let’s go for a walk just to look around and then I’ll find you a big chocolate tree and we can eat it on the TARDIS ok?”

Donna sighed and sulked behind the Doctor as they walked towards the high street. Donna looked around her at the chocolate houses, the chocolate river and the chocolate…everything! She couldn’t take it anymore. She glanced at the Doctor who was now talking some strange language to one of the chocolate people. ‘He looks so tasty’ thought Donna wishfully. She forced her eyes away from him and making sure the Doctor wasn’t looking broke a bar off the gate she was leaning on and started chomping on it. It was heaven, better than any chocolate she’d ever tasted. She was so caught up in how good the chocolate tasted that she didn’t see the chocolate person was now looming over her with the Doctor approaching.

“You umm have a very nice planet…sir” said Donna weakly.

The chocolate person said something but Donna couldn’t understand him. She looked at the Doctor who had just reached them.

“He said he’s sick of travellers coming and eating their planet, he’s had enough and you’re going to pay now apparently.” said The Doctor trying not to laugh at the thought of what the people of Chocolate Planet could do.

“But it was so tasty!” cried Donna as the chocolate person said something again.

“He said he knows you’re one of those humans who love chocolate and because you ate something of his he ummm well he wants to eat you.” said The Doctor now worrying.

“He wants to WHAT?!”

“Donna just run!”

The Doctor grabbed Donna and before the chocolate man could do anything together they were half way up the high street and running back up the road towards the TARDIS which was clearly visible against the brown, black and white landscape. The Doctor glanced behind her and saw about 10 chocolate people now closing in on them. The Doctor aimed his sonic screwdriver towards them but didn’t have time to look back again. They reached the TARDIS and quickly scrambled in. Within seconds they had left the planet.

“Donna…I told you not to….not to eat anything!” said the Doctor shaking his head and gasping for breath.

“You took me the biggest chocolate lover of all time to a chocolate planet…what did you expect!”

The Doctor laughed and shuck his head again. His eye’s drifted down to Donna’s hand which was covered in chocolate. Donna glanced down and realised she still had the bar off the gate which was now half melted in her hand.

“All that trouble for a chocolate bar” laughed The Doctor.

Donna and The Doctor laughed harder and shared the chocolate between them while also sharing the thought that they’d never ever go back to that planet again.

[Beach Crew]

The Blues

It was so wrong. So very, very wrong, and Rose Tyler just couldn’t understand how this could even have happened. It was chocolate, well, it smelt like chocolate but instead of being the natural brown colour she was used to, it was in fact, fluorescent blue.

“I don’t understand,” Rose began, “I thought this was chocolate?”

The Doctor grinned, “It is.”

“But it’s blue.”

“Yes.”

“Blue?”

“Yeah.”

“Seriously? Blue?”

The Doctor laughed and gently prised the blue chocolate from Rose’s hands. It was amusing to see her in such shock. She’d faced Daleks, seen the end of the world, fought several different species of alien and not one of those things had shocked her as much as a simple bar of blue chocolate.

Watching her face closely, he snapped off a cube of the chocolate and offered it across to her. She shook her head and stepped away from him, bumping into one of the upside down trees as she did so. “Oh c’mon Rose,” he whined, “Just try it.”

She shook her head, “S’not s’pposed to be blue.”

“Maybe not in your world, but this bar of chocolate was born blue.”

“BORN?!” Rose screeched, stepping further away from the Doctor and the offending bar of chocolate.

He rolled his eyes, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Rose looked utterly horrified and sank to the ground, not even noticing that the grass was pink. Her mouth was slack and her eyes were wide. “Rose,” the Doctor attempted, “It’s just chocolate, seriously, this planet is full of things that are different colours, its not going to hurt you.”

Rose shook her head and pointed over his shoulder. He turned and then immediately sighed, they were surrounded by several large bull-like creatures that were stood on their hind legs. To make matters worse, they were bright red and carried huge guns. No wonder Rose looked horrified. “Hello,” the Doctor grinned pleasantly, “Can I help you?”

“You have insulted our greatest produce,” the largest bull said sternly, “You will be taken to our holding cells until we decide what to do with you.”

“Ah.”

Rose’s head snapped to look at the Doctor and he winced at the furious burn her eyes held. Oh, he was in trouble now. Her breath came out as a shaky growl as she was grabbed by one of the bulls. “This is your fault,” his hissed at him, “You and that ruddy bar of blue chocolate!”

The Doctor pouted, “I wasn’t the one who insulted it!”

“Shut up!”

“Captives are not allowed to talk,” one of the bull creatures frowned.

Rose let out an infuriated little scream but then was scarily silent. The Doctor knew this was a bad sign. She was fuming, and probably thinking of several ways to kill him right about now. Frowning, he knew he needed to think of an escape plan and quickly. He’d gotten used to this body.

***

“Rose.”

Silence.

“R-ohhhh-se.”

Silence.

“Rosey posey pudding and pie, kissed the boys an-”

“I hate you.”

The Doctor grinned, “No you don’t.”

“And how d’ya know that?” she snapped, hitting the thin brick wall with a hand, “I might hate you very much.”

There was a long pause and then finally the Doctor spoke, “You don’t really hate me do you Rose?” he asked sulkily.

She sighed, “No, I don’t really hate you, ya big baby. Now what’s the plan?”

The Doctor brightened, “Well, same as always really. Get free, escape and run.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup,” the Doctor popped his ‘p’ loudly.

“Great,” Rose retorted sarcastically before sinking back against the wall. This was just great. She was going to die on a planet where everything was upside down, back to front, or just plain wrong, like the blue chocolate. And why was she going to die? Simple. She had refused to eat the chocolate.

“Bloomin’ chocolate,” she growled.

“What was that?” the Doctor smirked, and when Rose didn’t reply, he continued, “Rose, you like to flirt, yes?”

“Yeah?” she replied, wondering where this was going.

“Good, go distract the guard.”

Rose glared at him angrily but the Doctor simply waved his hands at her as if shoo-ing a cat. She positively glowered at him before getting to her feet and walking slowly to the door of their cell. Her hips swung slowly and the Doctor had to force himself to tear his eyes away – she wasn’t flirting with him. He was escaping.

“So,” he heard Rose saying to the guard, “Is this your day job, coz I gotta say, you look way too strong to be just a guard…” The Doctor tuned her out and went back to fiddling with the Sonic Screwdriver. Thus far, he’d managed to loosen the cement around one of the bricks. If he kept it up, he could create a big enough hole for him and Rose to escape through. He just had to make sure nobody saw him.

This was supposed to be a nice trip – a vacation. He had wanted to show off, as usual, and show Rose this world, a distant planet called, Rainbow Magoria 5. It was supposed to be a fun place but he hadn’t expected her to react so violently to the blue chocolate. Nor had he expected the Bull creatures.

“I knew this one bloke once, right,” he could hear Rose saying as a fourth brick came loose, “Big ears, leather jacket, not bad, but I think you’re much better yeah?”

The Doctor shook his head, a small smile gracing his lips. She really was quite good at flirting. His smile widened into a grin as a seventh brick came loose, the gap was almost big enough to squeeze through and so he threw a quick look over his shoulder at Rose.

She was smiling and twirling a strand of hair around one of her fingers, “Most men can’t pull off red,” she sighed, “But you, I couldn’t imagine you in any other colour.”

“I was born this way,” the bull answered quietly.

“Oh. Right.” Rose peered at the guard through the bars, trying desperately to think of another point of conversation. The Sonic Screwdriver was buzzing noisily and if she didn’t keep up the chatter, the guard would likely work out what they were doing. “So, er, when’s your night off?” She was going to kill the Doctor.

“I don’t have a night off.”

Thank. God.

“Oh, that’s a shame.”

“Yes.”

“Uh-huh.”

Silence.

Rose looked up suddenly – there really was silence. She turned to the Doctor who was grinning at her like a lunatic. This was usually a bad sign. It meant that he’d found a way for them to escape that would probably result in them being chased and/or captured again. She sighed.

“Rose, leave the nice man alone. Come and get some rest,” he said, still grinning wildly.

“Right, yeah. Bye then,” she nodded to the bull through the bars before walking dutifully back to the Doctor’s side. She slumped down beside him. “Well?” she hissed, “What’s the plan?”

“We get the guard to leave, sneak through the hole that’ll be there once we push the bricks out of the way and then we’re free.” Rose raised a dubious eyebrow and so the Doctor continued, “Granted, it might not work exactly to plan, and there’s more than likely to be some screaming and running, but still, freedom.”

“Great,” Rose rolled her eyes and then stood up, walking back towards the guard.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m getting the guard to leave, duh.”

The Doctor watched Rose, in slight awe, as she flirted and giggled and sighed cutely, and eventually got the guard to leave. As she ran back to him and they started pulling at the bricks, he asked her what she’d said. “Oh, I told him that I was hungry. I think he’s bringing me some chocolate.”

“We best hurry.”

The Doctor went through the gap first, and Rose followed quickly. It was a bit of a struggle, but eventually she crawled out into the open and stood up. The Doctor ignored her as she complained and tutted about the yellow mud that was now coating her jeans. They had more important things to worry about.

“Rose?”

“Yes Doctor?”

“Run!”

He grabbed her hand and dragged her away, barely registering her scream as she finally looked behind her and spotted the large number of bulls that were now charging in their direction. Clearly, they’d tripped some sort of alarm.

“Where’s the TARDIS?” Rose shrieked, stumbling over a rock.

“This way,” the Doctor replied, quietly adding “I think.”

“You think?!”

“Yes, I think. If we just turn down this – ah.”

Apparently he’d just dragged himself and Rose down a street that ended in, well, a dead end. He looked around frantically for a way to escape but really, he knew they were trapped. “I’m sorry Rose.”

But she wasn’t listening, in fact, she wasn’t even at his side. She’d taken something from him and was walking towards the bulls. “Stop!” she screeched. To both her surprise and the Doctor’s, one of the bulls did stop which quickly caused the others to follow suit.

“Hello again,” the bull said.

Rose frowned and then her eyes widened in surprise and recognition, “Oh. Hello.” It was the bull she’d been ‘flirting’ with. “So, I’ve been thinking,” Rose began, producing the blue bar of chocolate. The Doctor frowned, how did she take that from him? “Maybe,” she continued, “If I eat this, you’ll let me,” there was a loud cough, “us, go?”

The bull guard didn’t look convinced.

Rose bit her bottom lip and fluttered her eyelashes, “Please?”

The bull guard nodded.

Slowly, carefully, Rose snapped a piece of the blue chocolate from the bar. She was not looking forward to this. It was like a crime against humanity, a sign of the end of the world – next, people would be telling her to put mustard on her chips. She shuddered violently.

Rose counted to three and then bravely shoved the blue cube of chocolate into her mouth. She chewed, swallowed and then opened her eyes in surprise, “You know, actually, that ain’t half bad.” The Doctor let out a cry of surprise behind her, “S’just like normal chocolate,” she added, taking another bite.

The Doctor watched on incredulously as Rose smiled and chatted to the bulls while occasionally eating pieces of the blue chocolate. It was mostly her fault they’d be captured in the first place, and mostly her fault they hadn’t been let free, considering she refused to eat any of the chocolate.

And now? Well, now, she was happily eating the chocolate as if nothing had changed.

Stepping forwards, he took her hand, “We’re going. Now.”

“Aww, I was just startin’ to-”

“Now Rose.”

She looked up and him. He had that look on his face that meant trouble. “Fine, c’mon, let’s go. Bye guys, nice chattin’. Thanks for the chocolate.”

The Doctor’s hand tightened around her own and he started tugging her along behind him, seemingly uncaring if she stumbled. “It’s blue chocolate,” he mocked her accent, “I can’t eat blue chocolate, it’s wrong.” He sent her a glare.

“Oh stop sulking.”

“Sulking? Rose Tyler, this isn’t me sulking. You’ve seen nothing yet. Next trip, we’re going where I want, and the one after that, and even the one after that. And you can forget seeing that idiot boyfriend of yours next week, we’re staying on the TARDIS.”

“Doctor…”

“Yes Rose?”

She turned and smiled sweetly at him, her tongue caught between her teeth, and fluttered her eyelashes at him. He frowned, unlocked the door to the TARDIS and walked inside. “Fine, Powell Estate it is then.”

Rose grinned, “Thanks Doctor, and let’s get some chips yeah? I’m hungry.”

“Whatever you say Rose.”

“And maybe some ice-cream?”

“Yes Rose.”

The Doctor frowned as Rose continued with her list of demands. He really needed to work up a resistance to that girl, well, considering the bulls, perhaps everyone did. All she had to do was smile that irresistible smile and he was done for. He’d give her the world if she asked for it.

Shaking his head he turned to look at her, “Ready?” he asked.

Rose grinned, still munching on the blue chocolate, “As I’ll ever be.” She winked at him as she walked away.

Yup, he really needed a resistance.

[esn]

Ok, I have gone slightly off the opp here - I mis-read the working title in the orignal thread and I didn't realise untill too late . Also, its gone a bit RTD - in that it starts well and then the endings a bit, well crap. Oh, and I must warn you, I did go slightly over the word limit - by about a thousand words. But dont let that put you off. And there might be the odd grammar/spelling mistake in there, but thanks to Beachy, significantly less than there would have been, so thanks to Beachy for editing it for me .

Anyhow, I present....

The Sweet Tooth

Writtern by: esn
Edited by: Beach Crew

“Here we are then, Sweetopia,” The Doctor said, stepping out of the TARDIS. “The whole planet is editable, made out of chocolate, sweets, marzipan, candy floss, if it’s full of sugar; this planet is made of it, solid from core to crust. Even the trees are made of toffee,” The Doctor finished, snapping off a branch, handing it to Martha. She bit off a piece.
”Hmmm, hm, that, that is, just so gorgeous,” she said, talking with her mouth full. “So sweet, and yet,” Martha swallowed, her eyes wide with excitement, “not in the slightest bit sickly.” She looked around at the veritable garden of delights that The Doctor had taken her to. At a quick glance, she could have been mistaken for thinking she was in the English country side, with the trees, the bright coloured flowers and the row upon row of fields. But, at a closer look the differences emerged. Each different type of plant was a different type of confectionary. From the toffee trees to lollypop lilies, from fudge flowers to marshmallow mushrooms. Even the ground they walked on was made out of pure dark chocolate, with green candy grass impossibly growing out of it. Martha walked up to a tree that was growing some sweets that looked like blueberries. They looked so appetising so tempting that she just had to try one.

“I wouldn’t” The Doctors stern voice made Martha withdraw her hand sharpish. She turned to face the Timelord. “Just not the blue ones,” he added.
“And why not?” Martha asked, “scared I’ll blow up like a balloon?”
“No, more like a blueberry to be more precise” The Doctor nodded.
“But that’s just daft; I mean that’s just something from Roald Dahl isn’t it?”
“Ah, well, funny you should say that –“
Just then, a small person, about 3 foot tall, with green, longish hair and orange skin, with brown and white overalls came scurrying out of the undergrowth. Upon seeing the Doctor and Martha, he took a shocked, almost panicked breath, before carrying on, scuttling towards a nearby tree before vanishing into a nearby burrow.

Martha looked on in amazement. “That wasn’t a...”
“...Oompa-Loompa, yeah”
Martha shook her head “But they are make-believe…pretend, surely?”
“Well, you know, has I was saying,” The Doctor drew breath. “This planet is kinda based on the books of Roald Dahl. Well, in fact all the planets in this solar system are. Well, technically the books are based on the planets in this solar system but you get what I mean.”
“So... what you took Roald Dahl here before then?”
“Well, erm, no.” The Doctor was beginning to look sheepish.
“Sooo...”
“He’s from a planet not far from here. Gergious Medicineus.”
“What?!” Martha exclaimed, “He can’t be an alien! He looks so human.”
“So do I.”
“I know that, but, you’re like, I mean he’s like...” Martha was struggling to find the right words, but unable to find them, she trailed off. The Doctor continued instead.
“I mean, the clues are there, that unusual gait, the way he talked, that bald head, the way he spent all his time in his shed -”
“Sounds like my Great Uncle Bob”
“Anyway,” The Doctor broke off a toffee branch and started to stroll along, with Martha following.
“Anyway, good ol’ Roald used to fly around these worlds, he was a sort of janitor, cleaning up the mess these worlds used to make, general maintenance and repairs, that sort of thing till one day he accidentally filled his hyper space engine with Frobscottle juice, which of course caused his space ship to go into a state of rapid intermittent miniature gaseous explosions-”
“Huh?”
“It whizzpopped. Which isn’t a good thing for a hyperspace engine to do really,” The Doctor sighed. “It caused him to bounce across 3 different galaxies, rebounding off 5 planets and skimming through a couple of stars, before he landed on Earth. Decided he liked the place for some reason and chose to stay.” The Doctor paused for breath – and to take a bite of his toffee branch.
“Of course, yours truly notices this – well who wouldn’t notice a whizzpopping hyperspace ship – and when I came to investigate, we get on quite well, and I suggest he writes a few books, and the rest, as they say is history.” The Doctor took another bite his toffee branch. “Relatively speaking of course”.
Martha looked on, flabbergasted.

The Doctor continued on his ramble. “Of course, these planets needed a replacement janitor, so that’s why I drop by now and again. Last time I was in this system, I met the Fantastic Mr Fox, although the crafty bugger stole my sonic screwdriver. I had to chase him for three- WHAAAA!!!” The Doctor suddenly let out a yell, as the ground beneath him gave way. Martha let out a “yelp!” of shock and jumped clear.

A great big gaping hole had appeared in the surface, which The Doctor has seemingly disappeared into. Recovering her nerve, Martha gingerly crept towards the hole. As she got closer, she slowly lowered herself down onto her hands and knees, and then flat onto her front. She cautiously slid herself towards the edge of the hole, and peered down into the dark chasm and called out.

“Doctor?”

Looking down into the hole, she saw to her relief, The Doctor clinging on to a mound of chocolate. However, the chocolate was crumbly, and it looked like it could give way at any minute – if it didn’t melt in his hands first.
“Doctor?” she called again. He looked up.
“Martha! Quick, pull me out of here!”
Martha got up and looked around. She saw some vines – that were in fact extra long liquorice laces. She snapped off a whole bunch of them. She ran back over to the hole, and threw them down. The Doctor was now clinging on with his teeth. He grabbed hold of the laces just as the chunk of chocolate he had in his mouth broke off. With some effort, Martha hauled him to the surface.
Staggering away from the hole, the two collapsed in a heap. The Doctor swallowed – he evidently still had a lot of chocolate in his mouth.
“Good job this chocolate tastes good, or that would have been a hell of a drop” he gasped, trying to get his breath back.
“But I thought you said that this place was solid from core to crust?” asked Martha, herself struggling for breath.
“You’re right Martha,” The Doctor said, staggering to his feet, “That is rather strange.” The Doctor’s eyes started to light up, with the beginnings of a thought process beginning in his great mind. “But, I’ll tell you what is even stranger.”
“Whats that?” Asked Martha, rising to her feet.
“Oompa-Loompas are never alone. They always work together, they always travel together, and they do literally, everything together” The Doctor said. From his eyes Martha could tell he had worked something out. They were ablaze with realization, planning and questioning all at once. She remembered that Oompa-loompa from earlier.

“Maybe it got lost or separated from the rest of the group?” Martha asked, hopeful that nothing bad was happening, but she knew the answer from the look in The Doctors eyes.
“No, they always stick together, it’s a survival instinct. It’s the ultimate trade union in many ways.” The Doctor was thinking once more, his eyes a glaze, flitting back and forth. The suddenly, he sprinted off, with Martha in hot pursuit.

The Doctor dived down at the entrance to the burrow that he had seen the Oompa-loompa dive down a few minutes ago. There he chanted:
“Oompa-loompa, diddly do, I have a question for you.”
Martha looked on, aghast. The Doctor waited by the burrow, and then chanted again, this time louder.
“Oompa-loompa, diddly do, I have a question for you.”
This time there was a response. A weedy voice replied:
“Oompa-loompa, diddly de, what do you want with me?”
The Doctor sighed. This could take some time – time he didn’t have. He needed answers and he needed them quickly.
“Oompa-loompa, didity, doone, why are you all alone?” To his surprise, only three words came out. None of which were Oompa-looma.
“The Sweet Tooth”.

The Doctor looked at Martha with shock. Martha simply shrugged.
“Hold on, why did you give me the answer straight?”
“Because I couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with “Tooth” quickly enough,” came the response.
“Ah well, fair enough, I’d prefer it this way too as it happens,” The Doctor sighed, “so tell me, who or what is the Sweet Tooth?”
There was a hesitant silence. Martha bent down to the burrow. She spoke softly.
“You can come out, we’re here to help,” she crept closer to the hole, “I’m Martha, he’s The Doctor”.

The Oompa-loompa poked his head out of the hole. He looked at Martha, and then at The Doctor.
“The Sweet Tooth,” the Oompa-loompa began “is a being of great vastness, great whiteness – in essence, a giant tooth. She came to this planet to feed, addicted to the sugar. She worked her way in to the middle of the planet’s core. Once there, she started hollowing out the planet, eating it from the inside, by drawing all the sugar towards her. The Oompa-loompas tried to stop her, but we had no weapons, and she killed those that came too close.” A tear came to the eye of the Oompa-loompa. “Death by crush. Her enamel too hard to break or penetrate. Alas, once she got the core, she also took control our source of loompasium”

“What?” Martha asked. A tear was beginning to form in her eyes.
“It’s a compound that Oompa-loompas use to stay alive – in the same way diabetics use insulin” The Doctor said dryly. “Living on a sugar coated planet has its consequences for any species, even Oompa-loompas. Eventually, the entire population was genetically unable to produce loompasium naturally. So our good friend Mr Dhal, before his inter-galactic pin ball game, managed, just by chance mind you, long story,” The Doctor paused for breath, “managed to manufacture loompasium, which, just by chance had the perfect growing conditions at the centre of the planet.” To which the Oompa-loompa nodded.
“In order to get our loompasium, we were forced to clean Sweet Tooth daily, so she doesn’t decay.” The Oompa-loompa said sadly.
“And without Oopmpa-loompas to maintain the planet, Sweetopia begins to fall apart” The Doctor added.
“Hold on, why can’t you just leave her to rot?” Martha asked.
“Simple – without loompasium, we’ll die quicker than she decays”
“Ok, so what are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t take it anymore. So I stole some loompasium, so I can enjoy my home land for a short time.” The Oompa-loompa coughed. “I’d rather die than work for her anymore. When I saw you, I thought you had come for me, so I hid here.”
“Oh my little green haired friend,” The Doctor frowned “We’ll sort this out for you. We’ll fix this, well I’ll fix it, and just you wait.” He got up. He had a determined look on his face. Martha detected a hint of a plan, but just couldn’t figure out what it was.

The Doctor ran towards the TARDIS. Martha began to follow him but The Doctor turned and stopped her. He looked her in the eye. “I need to get a few things, and I need you to try distracting The Sweet Tooth”
“But why? Why can’t I go with you?” Martha asked, saddened
“Because where I’m going to go is treacherous and dangerous, and is better if a human isn’t present”
“But why, what can be more dangerous than here?”
“You could get eaten”
“I could get crushed here”
“Possibly, but if you go with me there’s more chance of getting eaten. This planet is crumbling, and I am sure that there’s as much chance as you falling through the ground then just simply getting crushed. However, I need you to distract the Sweet Tooth, for if it’s what I think it is, then it has a degree of psychic ability, therefore, in order to prevent it from knowing what I am doing and from following me and destroying yet more worlds, you need to go down there and distract it” The Doctor looked Martha in the eyes. “Trust me, Martha Jones; you don’t want to go where I’m going.” With that, he ran into the TARDIS.
“But where are you going?” Martha asked, desperate for an answer.
The Doctor turned towards his companion, her eyes fierce with passion. He grinned his cheesiest grin.
“I’m going to visit the BFG” and with that, the TARDIS doors closed.

Martha watched the TARDIS dematerialize. She then ran back to the burrow. She called down to him “Tell me how to get to the Sweet Tooth,” she demanded, before adding softly “please.”
The Oompa-loompa emerged from his burrow. “I daren’t go back there” he shuddered.
“But you must, or there is no chance of your people being rescued, no freedom for Sweetopia,” she exclaimed.
The Oompa-loompa closed his eyes for a short period of time. Upon opening them, sighed. “Follow me”.

The way down was risky. Martha had, at times difficulty keeping up with the more agile Oompa-loompa has he bounced nimbly from rock to rock, going through spaces with ease that Martha found most difficult. Eventually, they made it to the planets core.

The Oompa-loompa swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, this is as far as I can bear to take you, you are on your own” he said, solemnly.
“You have done more than enough” Martha whispered. The Oompa-loompa scuttled away.

Martha turned her attention to the task at hand. The Sweet Tooth was as big as a house, and was crawling with Oopmpa-loompas, all scrubbing furiously. Every so often a great chunk of chocolate floated down to be absorbed by the Tooth. Beneath it was a glowing source of what Martha guessed to be loompasium. She started to think how she was to mount her one person assault. Almost immediately, the Sweet Tooth read her intent.

“You, dare to challenge me, Martha Jones?” The tooth boomed. Martha took a big sigh and stepped forward
“Yes, yes I do”
The Sweet Tooth laughed. “And how do you hope to manage that?”
Martha’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, I’ll find away. You may have hollowed out this world, but you are the one rotten to the core, ugly Tooth”.
“How dare you insult me, for I am Sweet Tooth!” And with that, the shear monstrosity rose up, flinging the dozens of Ooma-loompas off its self and sending dozens more fleeing for safety.
Martha was taken aback by the sudden speed of the Tooth as it hurled towards her like a giant truck heading for a stricken hedgehog. Just as it seemed she was to be crushed, she dived out of the way. “My Mum is not going to believe this” she sighed, bracing herself for another onslaught. This time however, she was just too slow to react, and was sent flying into the chocolate wall, which crumbled behind her. Winded, and struggling to breathe, she could only watch as the Sweet Tooth hurtling towards her. Martha felt sure that this was the end.

“Oi! Just a minute!” A familiar voice rang out inside the chasm. The Sweet Tooth paused. Martha gave a sigh of relief.
“All that brushing, but what you really need is a good mouth wash” The Doctor said, with a wink. He was carrying a super soaker, filled with a liquid.
The Sweet Tooth turned towards The Doctor
“You really think that’s going to stop me, Doctor?” said Sweet Tooth , floating towards The Doctor. The Doctor simply held firm, as if he was focusing. Just before The Sweet Tooth got The Doctor however, she stopped. “A sugary treat, ooh what a surprise!” The Tooth seemed to sway in delight. “Let me have it.”
“As you wish” The Doctor grinned. He sprayed the liquid all over the Sweet Tooth. He then held his nose. The Sweet Tooth started to vibrate violently. And then let out the most ginormous fart sound anyone could imagine. Or to be more precise, a whizzpopper.

“What have you done?” Sweet Tooth boomed
“Well there is a long version of this I could explain but I doubt you’d be around long enough to hear it,” The Doctor grinned. “Basically, it was a two part ventriloquism – one of the psychic senses to make you think you were getting a treat instead of a trick, and the other of the sensory synapse, which made you think you were getting an ordinary fizzy drink and not frobscottle”
“So that means that...” Martha started.
“She’ll play inter galactic pin-ball” The Doctor getting what Martha was about to say, “only, she’ll end up in a supernova, not Earth. I am good like that” The Doctor winked.
“Noooo Doctor, you caannt!!!!” The Sweet Tooth shouted. At that point with an even louder whizzpop, the Sweet Tooth flew up out of the planet, still screaming.

Martha ran over to give The Doctor a big hug.
“Well, you took your time!” Martha exclaimed.
“Well, I had to get past all those giants. Fortunately they were asleep, but that was tricky – you know, nightmares.”
“Speaking of nightmares, this place doesn’t half stink” Martha laughed.


Back on the surface, The Doctor and Maratha stood by the TARDIS, watching the Oompa-loompas hard at work repairing Sweetopia.
“Of course, I’ve sent out a beacon, making this planet a no-go area for any other space scavengers” The Doctor sighed. He turned to his companion. “And I guess we ought to be going as well, those Oompa-loompas have a lot of work to do.”