A Lost/Heroes/Anything-else-I decide-to-throw-in Comedy Crossover

[firebreathingfishies]

BATCAVE!!!!

[Lupinbell]

This is the first of two chapters I'm posting today, which will see the return of a dangerous character... oh and Adam's in there too.

C*R*O*S*S*O*V*E*R

Chapter 11

Now knowing what needs to be done and how to do it, everyone has split into teams to speed up this funky quest thing to stop Sky buying all decent TV so they can get back to drinking. So far things are going remarkably well, Even Tim Kring has killed more characters than we've lost so far....
Following my recent viewing of The Dark Knight I decided to continue the tale of Richard, Danielle and Micah as they wonder how to raid MI6’s armoury.

Richard: on phone. So you can’t help…… OK then, thanks anyway. He ends the call. Right, I’ve gone through all of my Otherly contacts and I’m left with one choice. Martin Keamy.

Danielle: That butcher? He makes the average sadist look like an 8 year old girl.

Richard: You’re just upset about him killing you that one time. Anyway he’s our only chance of raiding MI6. He opens his phone. It’s Alpert. I need you here Keamy, Bond StreetLondon. Call me when you get this.

Danielle: We must think of a back up plan, this may not work out

They lapse into silence and the seconds become minutes.

Micah: Batman

Richard and Danielle: What?

Micah: Batman has his eye pieces and suits which you can use to become yourselves. And I can get us in there now I have the power.

They stare at him until Alpert’s phone goes off.

Alpert: I’ll get this; you two make a plan in case of bad news. If it is, I look a lot like Gotham’s mayor…
-------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile in Sacred HeartHospital…

Peter: Excuse me, could you tell me where to get some Scrubs?

Dr Cox: No whiny boy, I couldn’t because A) I’m a very busy Doctor I don’t wear Scrubs and haven’t for at least 7 years. and C) I don’t help whiny, emo, annoying little kids who need their big brother to hold their hand while asking me things. He stalks off

Peter: Geez a simple “no” would do.

Carla: Don’t mind him. He always like that, y’know stressful life

Nathan: That’s no excuse. Anyway, I wasn’t holding his hand, It was his shoulder

Peter: Can you tell us then?

Carla: Hell no! I’m on lunch, and if I wasn’t I’d be too busy.

The Petrelli Brothers look at each other hopelessly.

Nathan: What do we do now emoboy?

Peter: Well I could write some poetry about how doomed to failure this… No! We find the machine and save the world

Nathan: Ripping off your own catch phrase; that’s sad.

Janitor: I can help.

Peter: Do you even know what we want?

Janitor: You want a machine, I don’t know which one, but there’s only several hundred in this place. Serious face. It won’t take long.

Carla: Looks up from a stack of paper. You’re insane

Peter: We’ll get it ourselves.

Janitor walks off looking very sad.

Nathan: Wait. There’s one guy who hasn’t been seen here yet

A young doctor walks round the corner to a fanfare he hears in his head

JD: Fear not visitor to Sacred Heart, I John Dorian shall help you

Nathan: oh God. My brother needs some Scrubs, we’ll explain why later

JD:……

Peter: I can handle this guy. He gives JD a 10-dollar bill. That’s for your next Appletini binge.

JD: Let’s go! He leads them down several corridors and up some stairs and they come out next to a large vending machine.

JD: Here you go.

Peter takes the Scrubs he pays for and starts and stops glowing as Ted Sprague’s power almost takes over again. At that moment a Portal opens and part of Chapter 8 occurs.

Mohinder: Err… hi.

JD: What is this?! Note: while a normal person would decorate that with swear words, JD doesn’t as no one in TV-land follows the rules of normal speech.

Mohinder: It seems I have some explaining to do.

[Lupinbell]

C*R*O*S*S*O*V*E*R

Chapter 12

Now knowing what needs to be done and how to do it, everyone has split into teams to speed up this funky quest thing to stop Sky buying all decent TV so they can get back to drinking. So far things are going remarkably well, Even Tim Kring has killed more characters than we've lost so far....
We now rejoin Jack, Charlie and Hiro in a hut in The Bible. Sobs are echoing through the air. Guess who that is…

Charlie: Jack, cheer up mate. Here have some Toad in the Hole.

Jack: *sniff* We’ll live here and die alone. *sob* How did you make Toad in the Hole? We’re in the desert and I don’t think the sausage has been invented yet…

Hiro: It doesn’t matter. The Amulet is ready. We must go before Sky buy anything else.

Charlie: Look, Hiro, with Jack like this I don’t think he could get to Israel, let alone Future Japan in a different world.

Hiro: He has to. For the sake of TV and people’s finances everywhere.

Charlie: Face becomes serious. Okay, let’s do it.

Hiro opens the Portal and helps Charlie drag Jack through

(Jack: I don’t want to. Let me cry here)

The Portal takes them to Hiro’s flat, where Ando is standing with a grin on his face.

Ando: Hiro! I know who has the sword!

Hiro: Who?

Ando: Adam Monroe.

Cut to black and commercial for Adam Monroe’s Koi Carp.

Hi! I’m ancient Japanese villain and hero Takezo Kensei, but you can call me Adam. You know what really cheers me up after a failed 100 year attempt to destroy Humanity? That’s right I watch my Koi Carp. And right now you can buy two for under $200!

Director 1: What’s he doing?

Director 2: I don’t know. But it’s great!

Fade back to CROSSOVER

Jack: When did we get sponsors? Don’t mine and Josh’s advertising deals bring in enough?

Charlie: Well a little extra never hurts.

Lupinbell: And it means I can do this. Outside the window a plane explodes for no reason. Ooh fun! I think I’ll do that again at some point. Hang on, shouldn’t you be looking for something?

Hiro: Yes, and I know where we must go. The Carp Store.

10 minutes later in a shop in one of Tokyo’s classier suburbs.

Charlie: So what do we do? Walk in their and ask him for it?

Hiro: No, Kensei will not surrender the sword for anyone; Especially someone who is associated with me.

Charlie: Why not?

Hiro: We have a history.

Jack: What kind of history Hiro? TELL ME!

Adam Monroe: Well, he stole the love of one of my lives, killed me twice and has been generally annoying for about 600 years.

Jack: Impressive

Hiro: Kensei, give me the sword. We don’t want to get hurt.

Adam: I could give you it, but you ripped my heart out carp, now I’ll take yours!

TO BE CONTINUED

Jack: Starts crying

How will our friends escape the wrath of Kensei? How did Adam escape his tomb? What is happening with the other characters? Some of these answers in the next couple of chapters!

I expect.

[firebreathingfishies]

adam's koi carp advert was the best lol!

[Lupinbell]

This'll be short and sweet, because to be honest I'm feeling lazy and bored at the same time, so expect a chapter that you can read without scrolling, I will post a longer chapter either tomorrow or Sunday.

Perhaps.

C*R*O*S*S*O*V*E*R

Chapter 12.5

After a Haitus spent drinking in Caitlin's pub, our (debatable heroes) have been told of Sky's attempt's to overthrow all other TV networks, ending free TV for ever!
However a visit from 3 of Lost and Heroes most awesome guest stars has revealed a way to stop this plot, the 18(?) items that will allow them (the defenders of free TV) to halt Sky in its tracks

But that is not our story, instead a bit of Plot thickening....

Ben: wakes up from a very messy dream to see Niki asleep next to him. Oh thank God, just a dream. He sees the pool of blood around her. Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Hurley: stumbles in to the room Dude, what's up? Do you know how hard it is to get out of the tub in the dark?

Ben: Niki's dead.

Niki: Not yet, although I have this to say, she breathes her last, a long peaceful last that seems to be filled with err.... peace

[Note: yes I suck this type of writing.]

Ben: NOOOOO!!!!!!! I'll get you back Niki I swear, you're a Heroes character you can't die!

Hurley: Dude, let her go.

Ben: No. I call out to the various spirits of TV, Give me a way to save her!

???: I can help her. Go to this warehouse with her the image of a warehouse in New Orleans fills Ben's mind and call out my name. I will come and bring her back.

Ben: But what is your name?

???: Jessica.....

What does the return of Jessica mean for everyone? How did Niki die? Answers when we meet up with these guys again!

Next Time on Crossover!
Bennet gets to have a fight. Eko looks awesome, and maybe Jessica'll show off her skillz

[Lupinbell]

Yes I lied in the next time bit. You'll live.

C

*R*O*S*S*O*V*E*R

Chapter 13

After a Hiatus spent drinking in Caitlin's pub, our (debatable) heroes have been told of Sky's attempts to overthrow all other TV networks, ending free TV for ever!
However a visit from 3 of Lost and Heroes most awesome guest stars has revealed a way to stop this plot, the 18(?) items that will allow them (the defenders of free TV) to halt Sky in its tracks and get back to getting absolutely pasted.

We now join Messers Bennet and Eko in a house with a rather displeased looking Bob Bishop.

Bob: No deal Noah, The money a Sky deal brings in is far too good to pass up.

Eko: You can turn things to Gold and you want more? I pray for your soul.

Bob: Every little helps Mr Eko, God does not.

Eko: With that remark you leave me no choice. He takes a (gold) sword from the wall A good weapon. I will enjoy this...

Bob: Somehow now holding a massive axe. Me too. You'll look good a gold statues....

The hired help knock Bennet and Eko unconscious

Bob: Take them downstairs, you know what to do. And make sure the laser's warmed up.
See where I'm going with this?

Meanwhile Locke, DL Boone and Elliot Reid are outside a Prison in Texas.

Locke: So this guy comes out and we grab him?

DL: Yep.

Locke: That's your plan?!

DL: Dat's right blood, disagree and I'll stab you up.

Locke: Stupidity is Boone's job.

Boone: Looks up from kissing Elliot "wha?"

Locke: "Go back to your woman Boone"

At this moment a Van passes through the Prison gates

DL: "Go go go!"

We'll rejoin this one next week.

Finally for this week Ben and Hurley debate whether they want Jessica back.

Ben: "You've never lost someone you loved have you? If you had you'd know why we're are"

Hurley: "Dude..." His reply is cut short by Helicopters and A Loud Speaker voice

Loud Speaker Voice: "This is Captian Button of The 1st Sky Battalion. Surrender and leave the building now or we will use deadly force"

Ben and Hurley: "Oh Shi-"

To be continued!
Where am I taking the Bennet and Eko team? Will DL's daring raid on a prison van outside a prison actually work?

[Lupinbell]

It's been a long time coming, but here it is. Chapter 14!
Oh yeah, I'm only really good at writing people who don't have a different way of speaking, like Charlie or Jack. For guys like Hiro and Eko etc just try to imagine what I've written said in their dialect and manner.

C*R*O*S*S*O*V*E*R

Chapter 14

After a Hiatus spent drinking in Caitlin's pub, our (debatable) heroes have been told of Sky's attempts to overthrow all other TV networks, ending free TV for ever!
However a visit from 3 of Lost and Heroes most awesome guest stars has revealed a way to stop this plot, the 18(?) items that will allow them (the defenders of free TV) to halt Sky in its tracks and get back to getting absolutely pasted.

In a warehouse in Tokyo, three men find themselves at the wrong end of Adam Monroe's sword. None of the four are exactly happy about this....

Adam: "So Carp, you came back to try yet again. When will you learn? There's nothing you can do, I always survive"

Hiro: "Not this time. Not after I press this button"

Adam: "You can stop me with a button?"

Hiro: "Yes, this button does this." He presses it and Adam falls down with a bullet in his head.

Charlie: Looking puzzled, but relieved. "Not being ungrateful, but what the hell was that?

Hiro: Looking VERY glad someone asked. "Well my future self told me about this encounter, and told me that when it happened I should press the button and he would shoot Adam, saving both our lives and his own."

Charlie: "But how did you survive to be your future self, if you see what I mean?"

Hiro: "Time travel brings up interesting problems, such as Time Loops, Paradoxes and the question of being your own Grandfather. I try not to think about them"

Jack: "Can we just get out of here? I don't like hanging around in places I almost died. Why do you think I left the Island?

Hiro: "OK" He takes the sword and whispers to Adam's non-regenerating body "I apologise for what happened in the past and for the dishonour in your death, but my mission comes first above all. Rest in Peace Takezo Kensei, Adam Monroe, my friend"

Adam: with his last breath. “I’ll be back."

-----------------------------------

Now we move to that warehouse again, where Ben is trying to bring back his loving girlfriend, Niki Saunders

Ben: “Hugo, go and talk to them, stall them, when Jessica comes back, we’ll point her at the door and it’ll be over”

Hurley: “But they have guns, lots of guns. I don’t do guns”

Ben: “You’re in LOST; it’s more about who has guns than where you are sometimes”

Hurley: “Yeah. But my side has always had the guns in LOST”

Ben: Shut up, get out there. This’ll only take a minute.

Hurley leaves, looking like Ben has asked him to stop saying “Dude”. Well technically this is true, you can’t say “dude” when you’ve been pumped full of lead.

Captain Button: “Get down! You are now prisoner of SkyCorp, you do not have to say anyth—Wait, that’s not right.

Oprah: [That’s right, Oprah Winfrey]“Get yo’ whiny white ass outta here Button. This guy’s mine.” She looks at Hurley “Tell yo friend to get out here, so I can take the both o’ y’all back to base and stop you taking my corporation down.

Ben: “I’m here Winfrey. You win”

Hurley: “Dude, you’re just giving up? What happened to y’know… her?”

Jessica: “I’m right here Hurley.”

Oprah: “And who d’ya think ya are? Wonder Woman? You ain’t nuthin’”

Jessica: “Oh. It is so on”

Jessica rips Oprah in half for 320 Damage!
Oprah suffers from Severe Bleeding!
Oprah suffers from Heart Torn Into Two Halves!
Oprah Dies!

[Note: The combat you see above is a blatant rip-off of any random RPG combat you care to name.]

Ben: “As truly stunning as that was, am I the only one who found it a little anti-climactic? Not to mention we still have another 30 seconds of screen time”

Jessica: “Well I suppose I could slaughter these soldiers, will that do?”

Ben: “Perfectly”

To be continued!

[monster-eats-pilot]

Ooooh I love it!