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***firebreathingfishies*** · 06-13-2008, 06:52 PM

[DAY ONE: 9.00am]

Sayid: I wonder what incompetent morons will turn up at my garage today?

[Goes inside, passing a helicopter made out of bamboo and elastic bands. Only moments after behind inside, the door bangs open and in runs Locke with Boone thrown over his shoulder]

Locke: Sayid! I need you to fix Boone!

Sayid: [sighing] John, this is the third time you have been here with Boone this week. Do you not perhaps think that you should be a bit more careful with him?What happened this time?

Locke: We were fishing. I thought I saw a shark so I sent Boone in the water to make sure it was a shark. I would have gone in myself but I had a uh… charlie horse.

Charlie: What are you doing with my bloody horse?

Sayid: Silence, Charlie. Please keep mopping. Now John, you cannot send Boone to do ridiculous and dangerous things whenever you feel like it. You are taking advantage of his innocent and rather naïve personality.

Locke: Well I suppose I’ll just have to find someone else to do my dirty wor… I mean, hang out with. [looks to Charlie] Could I borrow him?

Charlie: I’m not going anywhere with you you bloody crazy sod.

Sayid: You can take him once he is finished mopping. Now please, can you lay Boone on the table while I go and get my specialist in Boone related injuries.

[Locke drops Boone hard on the table, breaking his arm in the process. Sayid leans behind the counter and pushes a buzzer]

Jack: [through the speaker] Yes? [sniff]

Sayid: Jack, Boone is back. We need you up here.

Jack: [sniff] Yeah I’ll… I’ll just be [sniff] I’ll just be a minute.

Sayid: Are you okay Jack?

Jack: [sniff] Yeah… I just… I’ve just been chopping an onion… [sniff] because I’m making a lasagne… for one [sobs]

Sayid: Okay, Jack. [turns off the speaker] He may be a while. Is it possible you could explain to me exactly what happened?

Locke: [standing by the garage door pushing the button, making the door open and close] This is a good button. Not too stiff, not too loose.

Sayid: John, could you please stop that?

Locke: Don’t tell me what I can’t do!!

Sayid: I did not tell you to do anything, John. I asked you if you could stop.

Locke: Oh. Okay. Very well. [stops pushing the button]

[The door behind the desk opens and Jack comes out, eyes red and puffy. He stumbles towards the table where Boone is and looks him over]

Sayid: What do you think then, Jack?

Jack: We’re going to have to amputate his leg.

Locke: But the shark bit his arm.

Jack: Are you questioning my diagnosis John!? Who’s the doctor here? You or me?

Sayid: I feel I have to agree with Locke. It seems unnecessary to remove his leg.

Boone: Yeah, my leg’s fine really.

Jack: He’s delusional. Sayid, I need some of that heroin. I can at least make him comfortable.

Boone: But I’m okay, really-

[Jack knocks him out]

Sayid: Charlie, could you go get the medicinal heroin from Jack’s cupboard? [gives Charlie the keys]

Charlie: Sure [runs off and locks the door behind him]

[Two hours pass]

Jack: He’s been gone too long.

Sayid: Yes. Perhaps it was a bad idea to send the ex-junkie to the medicinal cupboard.

Jack: I’m just going to have to take the leg without the heroin.

Boone: But I’m fine! Please don’t take my leg Jack!

[Jack knocks him out]

Jack: Sayid, get my amputating saw. [rubs his hands together] Now Boone, this may hurt a little…

Boone: …..

***monster-eats-pilot*** · 06-13-2008, 07:10 PM

The title still makes me laugh aswell

***Kiowa Warrior*** · 06-13-2008, 10:07 PM

That's awesome fbf

Poor Boone getting, once again, mistreated at the hands of Jack! And bless Locke finding another button to play with...

Beach Crew · 06-13-2008, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by firebreathingfishies

Charlie: I’m not going anywhere with you you bloody crazy sod.

*Dies laughing* Seriously, I haven't laughed so hard at something for a long while. Brilliant.

Quote:

Jack: [sniff] Yeah… I just… I’ve just been chopping an onion… [sniff] because I’m making a lasagne… for one [sobs]

Awww, poor Jack. But again, it made me giggle way too much, lol.

This is awesome, I love it. I hope it continues with more typical Charlie lines and mean-ness to Locke

sweet_cheeks · 06-13-2008, 10:35 PM

Great stuff.

Gale243 · 06-13-2008, 10:46 PM

Lol, this is great FBF... I laughed through the whole thing.

KatesFate · 06-14-2008, 01:28 AM

That was hilarious!! You have Sayid down perfectly. lmao

Bass-mastaa · 06-14-2008, 08:30 AM

Ahaha that was hilarious , youv'e got Sayid's manner of speaking down perfectly !

***firebreathingfishies*** · 06-14-2008, 09:50 AM

lol thanks everyone

[DAY ONE cont: 11.59am]

[Charlie drags the body bag across the floor, opens the garage door and throws it out with the rubbish]

Charlie: [dusting off his hands] That was bloody easy.

Jack: [slamming his hands down on the bloody table] Dammit!

Sayid: Jack, it was not your fault. I do not imagine anyone would be able to cut off another mans leg with no painkillers and nothing but a hacksaw without them bleeding to death.

Jack: I know this is not my fault. [points to Locke] It’s his!

Locke: Huh?

Jack: [storming towards Locke] I based my medical treatment on your lies!

Locke: My lies? What are you talking about Jack?

Jack: You knew he had been bitten by a shark but you still let me cut off his leg! This is your fault John! You’re a murderer!

[Locke looks aghast]

Sayid: I will not have this rowdy insolence in my garage. Please, Jack, calm down. And John, I’m afraid there is nothing more we can do for Boone. Could you leave?

Locke: [sighing] Well I suppose something good can come out of a thing like this.

Sayid: What possible good could come out of Boone’s death?

Locke: I can update my kidney collection. Where did Charlie put the body?

Charlie: Chucked him out with the rest of the rubbish. I’m not having him lying around in here stinking the bloody place out. I’ve got to work here everyday you know! And I’ve only just got Rodger to bloody stop stinking! [nudges the withered corpse beside him] Isn’t that right, Rodger?

Rodger: ……[head falls off]

Charlie: Bloody right there, mate.

Locke: Well thank you for helping, Sayid. But I must be going. I believe there is a destiny out there with my name on it. [swans off]

Jack: Well if it’s alright with you Sayid I’m going for a lie down. All that sawing has tired me out a bit.

Sayid: Very well, Jack. Although I do not believe I would need your help for very much longer, seeing as there will be no more Boone related injuries for you to help with.

Jack: There’s always something I can fix.

Sayid: Never forget that, Jack. While we are in the fixing business, there is not anything we cannot fix.

[Jack and Sayid share a manly hug. Jack tears up before fleeing back to the room beside the desk]

Sayid: And now perhaps I can have my lunch. [sits down with his lunchbox]

Charlie: [watching from the other side of the room] Did you bring me a sandwich?

Sayid: No.

Charlie: [sad] Oh, okay.

[Before Sayid can take a bite, however, the door bursts open and in comes Kate with a group of screaming children around her]

Kate: Sayid! I need you to fix me up one of those pushchairs that you can put more than one kid in.

Sayid: Goodness Kate, when did you have all of these children?

Kate: Oh, um… All my baby bumps were quite small. Let me introduce you… This is Aaron, this is Clemintine, this is Ji Yeon…

Charlie: [inspecting Aaron] Do I know you?

Aaron: [spits up] Blaga ga ga gooo…

Charlie: [wiping his face] Bloody hell. He’s a bit thick, isn’t he?

Kate: So can you do the pram, Sayid?

Sayid: Of course. As it so happens I have one ready made. I built it last night while pondering over things I could build out of the remaining pipe cleaners and old bed sheets that were left over.

Kate: Hang on, I’ll get my eldest to help you. [Goes outside]

Charlie: Since when was Kate the baby machine?

Sayid: I imagine she is making the most of her freedom since she miraculously got let off with her atrocious crimes.

[Kate returns with Walt]

Walt: Hey guys.

Charlie: Bloody hell!

Kate: This is my eldest son. I thought you might remember each other…

Sayid: But Kate, isn’t Michael Walt’s father? Does that mean…

Kate: Don’t be ridiculous! No after a visit to the birth records office and a full pot of Tippex later it turns out that Walt was my son all along! Isn’t that weird?

Charlie: More like round the bloody twist, pet.

[Door bangs open again and in runs Michael]

Michael: WAAAALLTTT!!!

Walt: Daaad!

Kate: I told you Walt, he isn’t your dad!

Michael: You took ma’ son!! [grabs Walt] C’mon Walt!

Walt: But daad!

[Michael drags Walt outside]

Kate: [shrugging] Well it was worth a try.

Sayid: Well I will just go and fetch the pushchair. Please bear with me a moment. [goes off to get the pushchair]

Charlie: [shuffling closer to Kate] You know, if you ever want kids of you own I’ll be happy to help out.

Kate: [slaps Charlie]

Charlie: ……

***monster-eats-pilot*** · 06-14-2008, 03:09 PM

FBF you do make me laugh

Bass-mastaa · 06-14-2008, 05:10 PM

Hahahaha " You took ma' son " please carry on doing these !

06-13-2008, 06:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
*firebreathingfishies* Lost With A Kate Map Island Guardian Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Over there points Fave Character: Smokey Lost Item: Gas Mask Posts: 7,548 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 17	Sayid'll Fix It [DAY ONE: 9.00am] Sayid: I wonder what incompetent morons will turn up at my garage today? [Goes inside, passing a helicopter made out of bamboo and elastic bands. Only moments after behind inside, the door bangs open and in runs Locke with Boone thrown over his shoulder] Locke: Sayid! I need you to fix Boone! Sayid: [sighing] John, this is the third time you have been here with Boone this week. Do you not perhaps think that you should be a bit more careful with him?What happened this time? Locke: We were fishing. I thought I saw a shark so I sent Boone in the water to make sure it was a shark. I would have gone in myself but I had a uh… charlie horse. Charlie: What are you doing with my bloody horse? Sayid: Silence, Charlie. Please keep mopping. Now John, you cannot send Boone to do ridiculous and dangerous things whenever you feel like it. You are taking advantage of his innocent and rather naïve personality. Locke: Well I suppose I’ll just have to find someone else to do my dirty wor… I mean, hang out with. [looks to Charlie] Could I borrow him? Charlie: I’m not going anywhere with you you bloody crazy sod. Sayid: You can take him once he is finished mopping. Now please, can you lay Boone on the table while I go and get my specialist in Boone related injuries. [Locke drops Boone hard on the table, breaking his arm in the process. Sayid leans behind the counter and pushes a buzzer] Jack: [through the speaker] Yes? [sniff] Sayid: Jack, Boone is back. We need you up here. Jack: [sniff] Yeah I’ll… I’ll just be [sniff] I’ll just be a minute. Sayid: Are you okay Jack? Jack: [sniff] Yeah… I just… I’ve just been chopping an onion… [sniff] because I’m making a lasagne… for one [sobs] Sayid: Okay, Jack. [turns off the speaker] He may be a while. Is it possible you could explain to me exactly what happened? Locke: [standing by the garage door pushing the button, making the door open and close] This is a good button. Not too stiff, not too loose. Sayid: John, could you please stop that? Locke: Don’t tell me what I can’t do!! Sayid: I did not tell you to do anything, John. I asked you if you could stop. Locke: Oh. Okay. Very well. [stops pushing the button] [The door behind the desk opens and Jack comes out, eyes red and puffy. He stumbles towards the table where Boone is and looks him over] Sayid: What do you think then, Jack? Jack: We’re going to have to amputate his leg. Locke: But the shark bit his arm. Jack: Are you questioning my diagnosis John!? Who’s the doctor here? You or me? Sayid: I feel I have to agree with Locke. It seems unnecessary to remove his leg. Boone: Yeah, my leg’s fine really. Jack: He’s delusional. Sayid, I need some of that heroin. I can at least make him comfortable. Boone: But I’m okay, really- [Jack knocks him out] Sayid: Charlie, could you go get the medicinal heroin from Jack’s cupboard? [gives Charlie the keys] Charlie: Sure [runs off and locks the door behind him] [Two hours pass] Jack: He’s been gone too long. Sayid: Yes. Perhaps it was a bad idea to send the ex-junkie to the medicinal cupboard. Jack: I’m just going to have to take the leg without the heroin. Boone: But I’m fine! Please don’t take my leg Jack! [Jack knocks him out] Jack: Sayid, get my amputating saw. [rubs his hands together] Now Boone, this may hurt a little… Boone: ….. __________________ CHECK OUT OUR FORUMS DEVOTED TO HEROES, DOCTOR WHO, TORCHWOOD and MORE! Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? - Dylan Moran

06-13-2008, 07:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
*monster-eats-pilot* Smokey's number 1 fan Island Guardian Ants Champion! Movie Star Match-Up Champion! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Mystery Frickin' Island Fave Character: Smokey Lost Item: Jesus Stick Posts: 6,777 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	The title still makes me laugh aswell __________________ "Don't mistake coincidence for fate." "I ask for no forgiveness, Father. For I have not sinned. I have only done what I needed to do to survive."

06-13-2008, 10:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
*Kiowa Warrior* Distinctly Wonderful Island Warrior Resident Evil Apocalypse Champion! Duck Hunt 2 Champion! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Locke's Right Hand Side Fave Character: Locke Lost Item: Hunting Knife Posts: 6,779 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 6	That's awesome fbf Poor Boone getting, once again, mistreated at the hands of Jack! And bless Locke finding another button to play with... __________________ *You can't prove it won't happen...*

06-13-2008, 10:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
Gale243 Sacrifice the Island demanded Survivor Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: With Ben Fave Character: Ben Lost Item: Ben's Stick Posts: 618	Lol, this is great FBF... I laughed through the whole thing. __________________ Destiny, John, is a fickle bitch!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r77sismAeCs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IJXz1pvnKI ^^Two of the best endings of Lost...

06-14-2008, 01:28 AM	#7 (permalink)
KatesFate Lord of the Flies Survivor Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sawyer's sun-tanned arms Fave Character: Sawyer Lost Item: Faraday's Journal Posts: 793 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 3	That was hilarious!! You have Sayid down perfectly. lmao __________________ *Beauty, Brains and a Mission. A Lethal Combination.*

06-13-2008, 10:35 PM	#5 (permalink)
sweet_cheeks Main Character Survivor Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: On a Island Fave Character: Sawyer Lost Item: Fish Biscuits Posts: 182	Great stuff.

06-14-2008, 08:30 AM	#8 (permalink)
Bass-mastaa Raft Building Survivor Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Chiiibola ! Fave Character: Mr. Eko Lost Item: Jesus Stick Posts: 832 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1	Ahaha that was hilarious , youv'e got Sayid's manner of speaking down perfectly ! __________________ " You waited 40 days to Talk ? You waited 40 days to cry "

06-14-2008, 09:50 AM	#9 (permalink)
*firebreathingfishies* Lost With A Kate Map Island Guardian Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Over there points Fave Character: Smokey Lost Item: Gas Mask Posts: 7,548 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 17	lol thanks everyone [DAY ONE cont: 11.59am] [Charlie drags the body bag across the floor, opens the garage door and throws it out with the rubbish] Charlie: [dusting off his hands] That was bloody easy. Jack: [slamming his hands down on the bloody table] Dammit! Sayid: Jack, it was not your fault. I do not imagine anyone would be able to cut off another mans leg with no painkillers and nothing but a hacksaw without them bleeding to death. Jack: I know this is not my fault. [points to Locke] It’s his! Locke: Huh? Jack: [storming towards Locke] I based my medical treatment on your lies! Locke: My lies? What are you talking about Jack? Jack: You knew he had been bitten by a shark but you still let me cut off his leg! This is your fault John! You’re a murderer! [Locke looks aghast] Sayid: I will not have this rowdy insolence in my garage. Please, Jack, calm down. And John, I’m afraid there is nothing more we can do for Boone. Could you leave? Locke: [sighing] Well I suppose something good can come out of a thing like this. Sayid: What possible good could come out of Boone’s death? Locke: I can update my kidney collection. Where did Charlie put the body? Charlie: Chucked him out with the rest of the rubbish. I’m not having him lying around in here stinking the bloody place out. I’ve got to work here everyday you know! And I’ve only just got Rodger to bloody stop stinking! [nudges the withered corpse beside him] Isn’t that right, Rodger? Rodger: ……[head falls off] Charlie: Bloody right there, mate. Locke: Well thank you for helping, Sayid. But I must be going. I believe there is a destiny out there with my name on it. [swans off] Jack: Well if it’s alright with you Sayid I’m going for a lie down. All that sawing has tired me out a bit. Sayid: Very well, Jack. Although I do not believe I would need your help for very much longer, seeing as there will be no more Boone related injuries for you to help with. Jack: There’s always something I can fix. Sayid: Never forget that, Jack. While we are in the fixing business, there is not anything we cannot fix. [Jack and Sayid share a manly hug. Jack tears up before fleeing back to the room beside the desk] Sayid: And now perhaps I can have my lunch. [sits down with his lunchbox] Charlie: [watching from the other side of the room] Did you bring me a sandwich? Sayid: No. Charlie: [sad] Oh, okay. [Before Sayid can take a bite, however, the door bursts open and in comes Kate with a group of screaming children around her] Kate: Sayid! I need you to fix me up one of those pushchairs that you can put more than one kid in. Sayid: Goodness Kate, when did you have all of these children? Kate: Oh, um… All my baby bumps were quite small. Let me introduce you… This is Aaron, this is Clemintine, this is Ji Yeon… Charlie: [inspecting Aaron] Do I know you? Aaron: [spits up] Blaga ga ga gooo… Charlie: [wiping his face] Bloody hell. He’s a bit thick, isn’t he? Kate: So can you do the pram, Sayid? Sayid: Of course. As it so happens I have one ready made. I built it last night while pondering over things I could build out of the remaining pipe cleaners and old bed sheets that were left over. Kate: Hang on, I’ll get my eldest to help you. [Goes outside] Charlie: Since when was Kate the baby machine? Sayid: I imagine she is making the most of her freedom since she miraculously got let off with her atrocious crimes. [Kate returns with Walt] Walt: Hey guys. Charlie: Bloody hell! Kate: This is my eldest son. I thought you might remember each other… Sayid: But Kate, isn’t Michael Walt’s father? Does that mean… Kate: Don’t be ridiculous! No after a visit to the birth records office and a full pot of Tippex later it turns out that Walt was my son all along! Isn’t that weird? Charlie: More like round the bloody twist, pet. [Door bangs open again and in runs Michael] Michael: WAAAALLTTT!!! Walt: Daaad! Kate: I told you Walt, he isn’t your dad! Michael: You took ma’ son!! [grabs Walt] C’mon Walt! Walt: But daad! [Michael drags Walt outside] Kate: [shrugging] Well it was worth a try. Sayid: Well I will just go and fetch the pushchair. Please bear with me a moment. [goes off to get the pushchair] Charlie: [shuffling closer to Kate] You know, if you ever want kids of you own I’ll be happy to help out. Kate: [slaps Charlie] Charlie: …… __________________ CHECK OUT OUR FORUMS DEVOTED TO HEROES, DOCTOR WHO, TORCHWOOD and MORE! Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? - Dylan Moran

06-14-2008, 03:09 PM	#10 (permalink)
*monster-eats-pilot* Smokey's number 1 fan Island Guardian Ants Champion! Movie Star Match-Up Champion! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Mystery Frickin' Island Fave Character: Smokey Lost Item: Jesus Stick Posts: 6,777 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 8	FBF you do make me laugh __________________ "Don't mistake coincidence for fate." "I ask for no forgiveness, Father. For I have not sinned. I have only done what I needed to do to survive."

06-14-2008, 05:10 PM	#11 (permalink)
Bass-mastaa Raft Building Survivor Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Chiiibola ! Fave Character: Mr. Eko Lost Item: Jesus Stick Posts: 832 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1	Hahahaha " You took ma' son " please carry on doing these ! __________________ " You waited 40 days to Talk ? You waited 40 days to cry "