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05-12-2008, 04:36 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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SHANNON'S BACK SCRUB
Island Believer
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Shannon's Bikini
Fave Character: Shannon
Lost Item: Sonic Fence
Posts: 7,590
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The Wedding - Jack Shepperd and Kate "Monica" Austin
Part 1
This is a fictional story of Jack and Kate's wedding. It is in noway a spoiler...well I hope not. Jack is standing ready for his lovely beautiful bride..well actually he couldn't find one so hes marrying Kate instead. Christian: You nervous? Jack: Dad? Why are you here? Christian: I'm not really here...I travelled using the box *Locke's ears prick* Locke: You mean Ben's magic box? Christian: no, my coffin. Its just around the corner. Jack still hasn't got around to burying me Jack: yeah sorry dad but I've been kinda busy *Hurley is on door duty as the guest arrive. a flock of sheep enter* Hurley: You with the bride or groom? Sheep: Baaarrrrrrrrrr! Hurley: Oh right, your in here for the Shepperds. *a drunk tramp enters* Drunk: I'm witttthhh...wiv the...erm.... Hurley: Yeah the groom's area is this side *Swampy enters* Swampy: I'm the brides long lost twin brother Hurley: Dude thats sooooo like awesome *Jack sees Sayid tampering with the Altar* Jack: Sayeed? What you doing? Sayid: Jacque, I heard this needed altering. Jack: No thats the altar Sayid: and what purpose would it need altering? Jack: It doesn't now just sit down *gets a bit red faced* Sayid: Are you feeling OK Jack? Jack: I'm fine...JUST SIT! *Then Ben magically appears* Ben: Am I late? Locke: no, your just in time Ben: A good turn out for a funeral Locke Funeral? Your mistaken. This is Jack's wedding Ben: Wedding? Dammit I have the wrong year Hurley: urrr dude, arn't you meant to be like erm, walking Kate up the isle? Locke: I'm just on my way to do that Hugo, until Ben here tells me I'm here for a funeral Hurley: Ben? Locke: Yes he...*Ben has gone* He was standing RIGHT HERE Hugo Hurley: of course he was dude. Hey here are my mates!! *Locke seems nobody enter* Locke: I dn't see anybody Hurley: You must be blind dude, theres Charlie, Dave, Libby *Juliet enters* Juliet: I'm here for the groom Hurley: oh that side Juliet Juliet: no thats not what I mean Hurley, Jack...hes mine. I'm not letting that rat faced banana tree have him. *In a nearby car Kate, looking exceedingly pretty, is having cold feet* Sun: Maybe you should have worn some shoes and then your feet won't be so cold To be continued....
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 0 Days to I'm on 6 months LC sabbatical Shannon's 'body'guard   Winner of the Joke thread battle with FBF Winner of the DINNER is the evening meal thread FACT = Kate put the "ate" in "Hate"
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05-12-2008, 04:43 PM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Gilgamesh
Survivor
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Across the sea to a land of make-believe...
Fave Character: Sawyer
Lost Item: Jack's Stones
Posts: 2,077
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Love it!
__________________
Beware Ben the bunny boiler ...  In marriage you need a full deck of cards. A heart to love the guy, a diamond to marry him, a club to beat him and a spade to bury him! I'm running from the clown...  Back Where It Began - chapter 2 up now! 
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05-12-2008, 04:50 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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SHANNON'S BACK SCRUB
Island Believer
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Shannon's Bikini
Fave Character: Shannon
Lost Item: Sonic Fence
Posts: 7,590
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Part 2:
Kate: Do I look OK? Sun: Do you really want me to answer that? Kate: Sun! Sun: Ok , you look.....erm...fine Kate: Thanks *cheesy grin* DO I have time for a shower I smell rotten Sun: You didn't shower before we left? Kate: NOOO! Sun Its the 23rd, you know I only shower on the 1st of each month, oh Sun I can't beleive I'm actually doing this, getting married. I've dreamt of this day all my life Sun: You have been married before Kate: well yeah but this time Sawyer's the one for me Sun: Don't you mean Jack? Kate: Thats what I said Sun. I mean I'm teh kind of girl that knows what she wants you know Sun: erm...yes Kate: Did you order the champagne for the reception? Sun: Yes I did and I poisoned Claire's glass as you requested Kate: Airon will be mine Sun: The air is on Kate Kate: Wha? no Claire's son will soon be mine then I'll take Sawyers kid, then Jin's Sun: You mean mine!? Kate: no only Jin's Sun: eh? *Juliet appears* Juliet: Kate you shold know Jack kissed me Kate: What on my wedding day...How could he! Juliet: Oh not today it was yesterday..and the day before...oh and the day bbefore that...but it meant nothing....He was just making sure you were the one for him. Kate: Thanks Juliet Locke: So, we ready to go Kate: I'm not going anywhere with you! Locke: Up the isle, that is Kate: oh he he he I knew that To be continued....
__________________
0 Days to I'm on 6 months LC sabbatical Shannon's 'body'guard Winner of the Joke thread battle with FBF Winner of the DINNER is the evening meal thread FACT = Kate put the "ate" in "Hate"
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05-12-2008, 04:52 PM
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#4 (permalink) | |
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SHANNON'S BACK SCRUB
Island Believer
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Shannon's Bikini
Fave Character: Shannon
Lost Item: Sonic Fence
Posts: 7,590
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Quote:
__________________
0 Days to I'm on 6 months LC sabbatical Shannon's 'body'guard Winner of the Joke thread battle with FBF Winner of the DINNER is the evening meal thread FACT = Kate put the "ate" in "Hate"
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05-13-2008, 12:42 AM
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#5 (permalink) | |
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Torturing Sayid
Survivor
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Quote:
__________________
 Ireland 39 Baa-Baas 14 = awesome England 17 Baa-Baas 14 = poor victory mwahaha New Zeland match = PADDY TRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
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05-13-2008, 09:01 AM
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#7 (permalink) |
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SHANNON'S BACK SCRUB
Island Believer
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Shannon's Bikini
Fave Character: Shannon
Lost Item: Sonic Fence
Posts: 7,590
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Thanks guys
Part 3: *Jack is sweating like an alcholic desperate for a drink, he notices Sayid looking towards his dad* Jack: Is there a problem Sayid? Sayid: This is very strange. Your father, is a dead man Jack Why you! *Jack launches himself at Sayid and grabs him by the scruff of the neck with both hands* Jack: Are you threatening my dad Hurley: Dude, Jack....Jack relax thats not what he meant Sayid: I believe you have misunderstood me Jacque. I was mearly pointing out your father is a dead man Jack: There you go again Sayeed, we can take this outside if you like Sayid: It would be my pleasure Jacque. Hurley: Dudes, take it easy. The bride will be here soon Jack: The bride is late....where is she? *Daniel stands up* Daniel: Actually thats not exactly true, time is relative Jack: Oh Shut your face Daniel! Daniel: erm...okay...yeah.. Charlotte: Miles...you OK? Miles: Yeah its just you know the spirits are making it difficult for me Charlotte: What are the spirits saying to you? Miles: Saying? No I meant the drinks in Jack's pocket *Kate appears at the door and grins* Charlotte: Reminds me of that film Daniel: What you mean Four weddings and a funeral? Charlotte: No...Bride of Frankenstien To be continued...
__________________
0 Days to I'm on 6 months LC sabbatical Shannon's 'body'guard Winner of the Joke thread battle with FBF Winner of the DINNER is the evening meal thread FACT = Kate put the "ate" in "Hate"
Last edited by The_abbott; 05-13-2008 at 09:03 AM. |
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05-13-2008, 08:22 PM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Gilgamesh
Survivor
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Across the sea to a land of make-believe...
Fave Character: Sawyer
Lost Item: Jack's Stones
Posts: 2,077
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Brilliant.
__________________
Beware Ben the bunny boiler ... In marriage you need a full deck of cards. A heart to love the guy, a diamond to marry him, a club to beat him and a spade to bury him! I'm running from the clown... Back Where It Began - chapter 2 up now!
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05-14-2008, 04:09 AM
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#9 (permalink) |
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Run, Hide or Die
Survivor
Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Sawyer's sun-tanned arms
Fave Character: Sawyer
Lost Item: Fish Biscuits
Posts: 965
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That was all really good. Made me laugh several times. Loved how you incorporated the characters manner of speech. Made it all the more hilarious
__________________
 The James "Sawyer" Ford Fan Club Membership has its priveleges. (Well not really, but we have great pics!) |
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05-14-2008, 09:21 PM
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#11 (permalink) |
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Locke 1, Jack -1000000000
Island Warrior
 Resident Evil Apocalypse Champion!Tournaments Won: 1Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Locke's Right Hand Side
Fave Character: Locke
Lost Item: Hunting Knife
Posts: 6,925
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Just brilliant Abbs!
__________________
 You can't prove it won't happen... Calm down and get straight It's in our eyes, it's how we operate Please come here, please come on over There is no line that you can't step right over
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05-15-2008, 12:14 PM
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#12 (permalink) |
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SHANNON'S BACK SCRUB
Island Believer
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Shannon's Bikini
Fave Character: Shannon
Lost Item: Sonic Fence
Posts: 7,590
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Thank guys - and now the part 4 of 5 parts. Will Jack and Kate tie a knot? Will they get hitched up? Will they get married? Who knows? Who cares?
*Jack starts to cry as he sees his bride walking up the isle* Hurley: Dude, Jack...she doesn't look that bad. I've seen much worse. Sayid: When would that have been Hurley? *Hurley does the shifty eyes thing* Daniel: Mmmm erm.. shes's 0.8 seconds earlier then I predicted Charlotte: Will you put that away Daniel Bernard: Do you think she knows he likes her? Rose: Of course. Women know everything Burn-nard. Like you addiction to cholorineform Bernard: Wha? Rose: I know everything Burn-nard *Bernard quickly sticks a cloth over Rose's mouth and she passes out* Bernard: Phew! *wipes brow with the same cloth and knocks himself out by accident* *Kate has meanwhile made it up the isle after falling over twice in the process* Kate: I'm such a clux he he he Jack: Can we just get on with it? Vote for you fav ending to Lost - there will be 3 alternative endings: Ending 1 Vicar: blar blar blar blar is there anybody in this room that thinks these two should not be married please speak now or blar blar blar. Sayid: Jacque..are you sure you want to go through with this? There is no going back? Jack: I can handle it Sayeed *Desmond enters* Desmond: Penny *Penny is sitting in the pews* Penny: Desmond Desmond: Penny! Penny: Desmond Desmondf: Penny! Penny: Desmond Desmond/Penny: I love you Kate: Hey do you mind this is MY wedding Charles: Desmond Hurley: Dude its Jim Robinson! Charles: Look, why do you think I want to find this bloody island? So I can finally get away from people calling me Jim! Kate: Excuse me...hello...its MY wedding *Ben appears again* Ben: Charles, seems my search for Penny is at an end Kate: Can you PLEASE take this outside. Charles: Mr Keemy! *Keemy runs in with his machine gun and fires bullets around the room 16 of them hit Jack square in the chest* Kate: Jack Jack: I'm OK, they hit me in my appendix.....oh but the other 15 hit me in the heart *Dies* Kate: nooooooooo! Kill me...do it...I can't live without Sawyer...KILL ME! *Keemy fires bullet into her head* Keemy: If you insist. Locke: Can I help you Mr Keemy? Keemy: no - *shoots Locke dead* Ben: Your never catch me...mahahahahahaa...why is the box not working *Keemy kills Ben* Christian: You can't kill me. I'm already dead *Keemy shoots him and he falls dead* Christian: Bummer, they never said you can die twice Sayid: no no no no. You have this all wrong. You hold the gun like this, then shoot Keemy: like this? *Shoots Sayid* Sayid: Much better *dies* *Keemy looks around everybody is dead including Widmore, Ben, Locke, Jack, everybody* Keemy: My work here is done Jacob *leaves church* *Bernard wakes up* Bernard: aww crap what did I miss? Ending 2 and 3 going soon....
__________________
0 Days to I'm on 6 months LC sabbatical Shannon's 'body'guard Winner of the Joke thread battle with FBF Winner of the DINNER is the evening meal thread FACT = Kate put the "ate" in "Hate"
Last edited by The_abbott; 05-15-2008 at 12:20 PM. |
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