Falling into Obscurity

[Kiowa Warrior]

Ah thanks! I don't have much (well any actually until now) practice of writing Arzt, so I wasn't sure how he'd come across...but I figured that if he was moaning about something he'd at least be half in character, lol.

And I'm still not quite sure what Hurley was bulding/organising/whatever to make Arzt so annoyed! lol I should really I gues...but if you have any ideas and want to continue it by all means feel free to I do like writing Arzt though, he's a great character to focus on every now and again I think. Let's not kill him off!

And I'm glad you're ok with the ending: I wanted something fairly dramatic/interesting to happen at the end rather than Ellie just bumping into Ashley and that's it, but at the same time I don't want to put too much pressure on you to carry it on or anything.

Yeah it's those four in the jungle at the moment: in my mind Locke has been taking Ethan into the jungle to practice hunting and knife skills, but why Ashley's got a knife of her own is as yet unknown...

And I look forward to when you do write it!

[firebreathingfishies]

lol as long as you remember wild arm gestures and constant whining, you've got Arzt fine Ah Hurley could be doing anything! It didn't matter what he was doing, he just seemed to get on Arzt nerves by standing there. I'm sure we can figure out something obscure for Hurley to be getting up to lol. And yes, Arzt is immense. We'll kill someone else off in his place... like Jack

Yeah I loved that ending, I doubt I would have written her so wired and screwed up if you hadn't given that ending. I love it, it makes things interesting

Well this is longer than I had intended it to be, but there was a lot of OMFG going about

--------------
Losing Grip


I haven’t slept for the past couple of days. To be honest, I have no idea how many days it has been since I last slept. I can’t really do anything apart from sit. I’m too tired to do anything, but I’m too wired to sleep. I know I must look terrible, and some of the other survivors have been keeping a wide berth of me. That probably has something to do with the ginger bloke. I overheard him telling Claire that I was a psycho yesterday.

At least I think it was yesterday.

I really don’t know anymore.

I also received another visit from Jack at some point. He looked just as bad as I probably do, and had the hypocrisy to tell me to chill out and rest a while. I only agreed with him though. I really couldn’t be bothered to say anything else. He sharp wandered off though. There was probably someone with a rash or a splinter that needed his expert opinion.

So now I’m dragging myself across the beach to get a drink of water. I can’t eat. Last time I tried to eat I threw up all over Arzt’s shoes. God that didn’t half give him something to complain about it. So I’ll stick to water for now, and then perhaps wean myself back on food. It occurred to me once or twice that maybe I’m just having a hard time adapting to the heat, or maybe I’m just losing it.

Well I’ve been seeing Chuck everywhere. That’s kind of a big hint.

‘Oh my god you look awful.’

I look around, blinking slowly and see that tall blonde girl grimacing at me. I rack my brain for her name. Sandra? Shannon.

‘Thanks.’ I reply as I pick up a bottle of water.

‘Don’t you, like… sleep?’ Shannon frowned, picking up a bottle of water also. ‘Because that would seriously sort your eyes out. You look like you’ve been drinking for a week straight.’

‘I wish I had been drinking for a week straight.’ I reply, shuffling away. ‘At least I would understand why I’m seeing things.’

I know Shannon probably thinks I’m a complete nutcase now, but I couldn’t give a crap. I couldn’t give a crap about anything right now. All I want to do is to lie down and sleep. Just sleep without dreams of Chuck visiting me. Reminding me of what I did. I shudder and unscrew the bottle top.

Halfway through drinking, it occurs to me what I need to do. I’ve been avoiding the jungle since that first day because I didn’t want to face what I did, but maybe that’s my problem? People talk about facing your fears… maybe if I go back out there… perhaps tell someone, and then I’ll be able to rest? It’s the guilt sending me crazy. I need to get it off my chest.

Before I even realise I started walking, I find myself standing in a clearing in the jungle. My water bottle is half empty. I blink and rub my eyes, trying to remember the walk to here from the beach but I can’t so I stop trying. However as I take a step forward, I hear glass crunching beneath my boot. I slowly look down. I’m standing in a massive ring of broken glass. I stare down at it and my mind goes back to the day of the crash.

I gasp at the memory and I feel a lump rising in my throat. At first I think I’m going to be sick again and double over, but then I realise it’s because I’m about to cry. I close my eyes and compose myself, then straighten up. Swallowing hard, I let myself look towards where I first found Chuck.

I see the plane seat. I blink slowly, and then frown. Something is different, but at first I can’t place what it is. Tentatively, I move closer. My legs feel weak and my stomach feels light and sensitive. It’s only when I’m standing over the plane seat that my brain finally registers what my eyes are seeing.

The seat is empty.

I look around frantically. This can’t be right. He was here, I’m sure of it. He was strapped in the chair, he looked at me with those green eyes, he grabbed my arm.

But there’s no sign, apart from the dried blood on the seat. Slowly I kneel down, but only because I can’t stay standing up straight any longer. I run my hand over the plane seat. It feels hard and dry, and slightly warm. Gritting my teeth, I pick up the seat belt. I examine the end of it, and decide that it hadn’t been snapped before. It had still be tied firmly around his waist. Actually, the edge is too straight to have been ripped… it looks more like it has been cut…

And that’s when I notice something glinting off to the right. I blink at it stupidly for a moment, before crawling towards it on my hands and knees. Pushing some dried leaves and twigs aside with my shaking hands, I expose the large knife lying on the ground. I swallow hard, and then pick it up.

My hands are trembling. What does this mean? Someone cut Chuck free? Then where is he? Is it possible that he’s been at the beach the whole time but I’ve been too wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t even realise? Could he be the man in Jack’s tent?

No, someone said the man in Jack’s tent was a Marshall. He had something stuck in his gut, not a cut throat. Surely if someone had been found with a cut throat then she would have heard about it.

‘Hey.’

I whip my head around at the voice that whispered but see nothing. I clumsily get to my feet, gripping tightly onto the knife. Did I really hear that? Could have been a breeze.

‘Is there someone there?’ I call out shakily.

‘Help…’

I whirl around again and a weak scream escapes me. In the trees, Chuck is lumbering towards me, one hand to his bloody throat and the other outstretched to me. He staggers like some kind of zombie, his eyes bulging. I stumble back, my mouth open. Oh God that can’t be real… he can’t be alive…

I blink and he’s gone. The only sound in the clearing is the singing birds and my own panicked breath. I look around frantically.

That’s it. I’ve snapped. I start giggling nervously, looking around the surrounding foliage. I didn’t just see that. It’s days of not eating and not sleeping and my body can’t take it. I need to get back to the beach and find Jack, tell him what’s happening to me. If I carry on like this I’m going to end up dead.

‘Why’d you leave me, Ashley?’

I turn with a whimper to see Chuck lying on the plane seat, glaring at me angrily.

‘I needed you.’

I turn and race away into the jungle, having no idea where I’m going and not caring. I just need to be away. I’m still gripping the knife tightly and my chest is hitching. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack.

My foot catches a tree root and I stumble forward. The knife flies out of my hand and I feel like I’m about to explode into sobs, but before I get the chance to, someone else yells out. I skid to a halt and look around in bewilderment. I recognise the bald head and watch in confusion as Locke goes to the woman’s side, checking that she’s okay.

‘Are you okay Ellie?’ Ethan asks in surprise.

‘She’s okay, it’s just a nick.’ Locke replies, looking towards me.

‘Wha… Where…’ I swallow. ‘I’m sorry I tripped and I uh…’

The woman looks at me like I’m a complete idiot and I feel a rush of anger. If she had just seen what I’d seen, then she wouldn’t bloody look at me like that. I wish for her to stop looking at me.

Then it occurs to me that I could have just killed her. I could have had two dead people on my conscience.

‘Oh no…’ I say, feeling woozy. ‘No, I’m so sorry I… I don’t know what happened, I just…’ I suddenly feel hot. I brush my hair from my face and feel my face twisting into some terrible attempt at a smile.

The three of them are looking at me in bewilderment. I wish for them to stop looking at me like that. They need to stop.

Locke picks the knife that decided to take flight from my hand and brings it back to me, wiping the blood on his shirt and holding it out handle first. I look at it with a slight grimace. I don’t want it. I don’t want it at all.

‘Not a bad blade if I do say so myself,’ he says to me with a weird, slightly creepy smirk. ‘and so I’d be a bit more careful about letting it so loosely out of my grip next time, Ashley.’

I force a smile, which is near impossible and take the stupid knife. Now I have it back though, I don’t know what to do with it. I glance to the woman with the gash on her elbow and shrug.

‘Yeah, about he knife flying through the air at you like that…’

I just got chased by the guy I left for dead on the day of the crash.

‘I tripped on a tree root or something.’

‘You look like you were running from something pretty fast.’ Ethan points out, eyeing me with a fake smile.

These people are making me uncomfortable. My hands are trembling a little. ‘I uh… I just…’ I can’t find a decent excuse. ‘I like running.’

The woman is looking at me curiously, but she isn’t saying anything. Actually, her silence is making me more uncomfortable than if she had been screaming and shouting at me.

‘We’ll get you back to the beach,’ Ethan tells her. ‘Don’t want that to get infected, do you?’

The woman frowns slightly at me before turning away. ‘No. No I don’t.’

She follows Ethan away. Locke lingers for a moment, looking at me. I shift uncomfortably.

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ He smiles. ‘Are you coming back?’

I swallow, wipe the sweat away from my forehead, and nod. He nods in response and leads the way back to the beach. I tuck the knife in my belt, not liking its weight, and unsteadily follow him.

[Kiowa Warrior]

That's brilliant fbf! It's really good to have a supernatural element to the story with Chuck popping up every now and again, and it really is believable that Ashely would act like she did with little sleep and having seen him in the jungle...so has he really been cut free and is living, or was he cut free but then died and is now coming back to haunt her?

'I wish for her to stop looking at me' Lol I just love that line for some reason: like Ellie is already annoying her, and Ashley is doing her best to keep her patience in check. Actually I do like the way it's turned out that our characters have not met under the best of circumstances: it just makes it that bit more interesting and gives things a bit more depth than if they had met in a more light hearted setting, if that makes sense?

And I think you did get Ellie's character down well after the accidental knife flying attack, since she wouldn't be one to rant and rave at someone: more likely she'd keep quiet and try and figure things out first in a situation like that...I can see her keeping her anger and suspicion towards Ashely to herself for a while and won't feel the need to tell the rest of the camp what happened. Maybe she'll talk to Locke but I don't know yet, lol. Or Ethan will try and get her to talk but she won't feel comfortable about that for some reason (assuming we're still keeping Ethan as an Other perhaps?).

But I would still quite like it if E+A do open up more with each other give time. They can always fall out again afterwards anyway! lol

But yeah great chapter, and I will get another one up as soon as I can.

[firebreathingfishies]

Thanks Yeah I wanted to get a supernatural bit in early, because it wasn't really until the end of season 1 and season 2 when things started getting a bit... weird Apart from in White Rabbit of course Yeah I just imagined what I thought most people would be like if they were seeing dead people following them around. I definately wouldn't sleep lol! Ah well we'll just see how it goes. It could be her guilt that's haunting her, or it could be Chuck. At the end of the day, he was still alive when she left him In other words... I don't know

lol yeah I bet Ellie would be having a good bit stare seeing as she nearly had her arm lopped off, and Ashley had just had her cage rattled bit style so I doubt she would have much patience Yeah I agree, it adds something onto their relationship too, like they'll now have first impressions of each other that will probably be hard to shake for a while.

I hope I did, I want to see how she views the situation and what she thinks of Ashley before I have a proper bash at writing her, if you know what I mean. I didn't picture her going off it and throwing a hissy fit, so an uneasy, suspicious stare is enough for now After that chapter I think Ashley's going to be a bit unstable lol. I doubt she'll talk to Locke. She'll probably have an outburst at Ellie at some point, that's if Ellie confronts her about what she was doing in the jungle running around with a knife And yeah I can picture them being uneasy around each other, as the do seem quite different and it seems to me that Ellie might find it a bit hard to believe that Ashley is seeing a dead bloke in the jungle

Thanks again. Cool, I'm looking forward to it.

[Kiowa Warrior]

Once again sorry for the delay in writing the next part, but real life has just been killing me lately and I have next to no free time at the present!

Not my best chapter I don't think, and it's more filler than anything else really...but filler in the non-light hearted sense though, lol.

Anyway hope you're good fbf, haven't spoken to you in a while

The Problem of Pain

I can’t say that I’m worried about my cut elbow getting infected at all, since if the two deeper slashes on my upper arm managed to heal so quickly and cleanly I doubt that this lighter one will.

And what was it John said to me the other day?

They heal quicker here…

Why on earth that is I don’t know, but I believe him.

Why on earth I believe him is something else I don't know.

I bring my elbow up to have another look at it, wincing as the movement stretches the wound and produces another sharp stab of pain along my arm.

‘We ought to get that wrapped up for you as soon as,’ Ethan remarks, both needlessly and a smudge too brightly I immediately think with a flash of irritation.

And almost as immediately I feel guilty.

He’s only looking out for me, I argue to myself, even if infection is not one of my greatest worries at the moment.

And his suggestion to get me back to the beach was the perfect excuse to turn away from her and get to thinking.

‘Yeah I know, it’s starting to sting,’ I say truthfully. But also uncomfortably, since it's just a superficial laceration after all and I don’t want to be thought of as the kind of weak and pathetic woman who comes over all flustered and teary eyed at the sight of a trickle of her own blood.

‘But it’s not that bad at all really,’ I add, straightening my arm and making an effort to keep my face straight as my abused skin shoots out another protest at such a jarring movement.

But he still has that bland - yet somehow probing - half smile on his face, and I unconsciously lick my suddenly dry lips as I feel a need to fill the silence he’s created.

‘And besides, cuts and things heal quicker around here anyway, so it’s not like you’ll have to operate on me,’ I joke, knowing how lame it sounds the second I close my mouth.

‘…what?’ He says, making his mouth into an even more relaxing smile as his eyes almost imperceptibly narrow and brighten, his dark pupils focusing on me.

‘Nothing,’ I laugh dryly and unconvincingly. ‘Just, you know, I’ve noticed that my cut arm healed a lot quicker here then it did when I sliced it open last year back home, so at least I won’t have to guide you through the finer points of transhumeral amputation any time soon.’

I know I’m rambling I know I know and I kick myself for it, feeling a rush of heat to my face as I rub my good arm with self-conscious embarrassment as Ethan tilts his head slightly as he continues to stare.

Well done Ellie because, once again, you just can’t keep your mouth shut when you have to. Why can’t you just blush and turn your head away from it all, rather than desperately try to fill the void with explanations and descriptions and anything else your rambling mind can cook up to try and explain away what you’ve said.

‘…transhumeral amputation?’ He questions casually. Well tries to question casually, but I note the fine layer of steel underlying it.

I swallow, wondering where he’s going with this.

‘Yeah, it’s not like you’re going to have to borrow a hacksaw from anyone oh just shut or anything from everyone, not while we’re on the Magic Island at least.’

Oh God now he’s narrowing his eyes and tightening his mouth. You’re such an idiot, must be the stress of nearly being skewered by a flying knife that’s making you ramble and-

‘Magic Island?’ He questions sharply. Knowing he said it sharply and instantly trying to soften his features but I saw it.

I saw the flash of uncertainty and power illuminated by a fierece intelligence for all of half a second before he shut it down.

‘Well maybe not magic in the proper sense of the word magic,’ I pathetically try to back-pedal. ‘Magic in the sense that we all survived the crash and are still living and you know…’ I trail off and see him respond politely - respond correctly - by smiling and nodding his head in agreement, as if he had never expected any other reasoning behind my comments.

But we both know that isn’t true.

We walk in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, as I realise that the sun and sweat and dirt and blood plastering most of my body in unequal amounts doesn’t feel that strange any more.

Uncomfortable yes, but strange…not as oddly unsettling as it first was. I don’t feel…well, I don’t feel that out of place at this very moment in time I guess…

I shake my head, knowing that I just haven’t had enough water or sleep or nights without someone dying recently.

I feel a twinge of discomfort that Ethan is still walking quite close besides me, and I wonder if it’s best I ever so politely distance myself from him. Maybe I can make an excuse to go and get some water from John, or even confront her…

…Ashley, that’s her name. And I’m not sure-

‘You a doctor?’ Ethan asks suddenly, quietly, and I’m whipped out of my thoughts on my accidental attacker as his voice enters - far too closely - into my ear.

I shuffle half a pace away from him, trying to make it look natural as we cross over a fallen log.

‘Why do you say that?’ I ask, for some reason drawing back and not wanting to confirm or deny anything about myself to him right now.

‘Because most people would just say ‘at least I won’t have to guide you through the finer points of chopping off my arm above the elbow’ rather than use the correct terminology.’

For a second I don’t know what he’s talking about, but then it comes back to me.

Transhumeral amputation.

Not that I ever performed any, but everyone even thinking about going to medical school would know that term.

Which might mean…

‘Are you a doctor as well?’ I question more suddenly than I had intended.

Ethan just smiles, and politely excuses himself on the pretext of talking to Ashley to see how she’s doing.

I continue walking, confused, wondering how I managed to get myself surrounded by the strangest people on this island. But there’s something else: something else niggling at me from Ethan, besides his manner in general.

It’s only when we reach the end of the jungle and have the beach in sight that it hits me:

‘Are you a doctor as well?’

It hits me that I confirmed his question before he blatently avoided mine.

The sun is still strong and the humidity has soaked me through, but I shiver and feel a tingle run along my freshly cut arm.

***

Another night, another fire, another round of pain to puzzle over.

Not just the physical pain - my elbow cut is now clean and covered - but rather the other types.

After going back to Locke and Ashley Ethan didn’t say another word to me, and once he’d refilled his water bottle at the beach he’d gone into the jungle and hadn’t been seen since. I haven’t bothered to ask John where he might have gone, not least because I don’t think I really want to know at the moment, but because right now he’s talking with Ashley.

I’m not sure irritation is the correct emotion to be feeling when I think of that, but there we go.

Not a lot of things are correct any more anyway.

Irritation that she hasn’t bothered to come and check on me since she nearly stuck a knife in me? That she hasn't apologised again and again, because that's exactly what I'd do? That John thinks she needs more attention than I do? That I haven’t had the guts to storm up to her and demand that she bloody well stop lying and tell me the truth about what happened in the jungle?

I sigh, not knowing if it’s all or some or none of these things.

But I do know that she’s lying, that’s for damn sure.

I quite like running too, but in the park with my mp3 player in my ears, not through a strange jungle with a huge knife in my hands. If she wasn’t running from something then she was running towards something instead, and the paranoid part of my brain - the part that immediately skips to the worst possible case scenario with a desperate hope to find a solution to it just in case - wonders if I really was her intended target for something, and that she would have then dealt with my body and the questions that would follow the best possible way she-

Stop it stop it, it’s not fair to think that of her, you don’t even know her.

And it’s a damn good thing too, a nasty voice in my head immediately rasps.

Something’s the matter with her no doubt about that, but what?

Like with the plane crash - the crash that seems to have happened months ago - I didn’t lose it with her: didn’t start shouting and crying and demanding to know just what the hell had happened and what have I got to do with it all?

Not my style.

Not really out of choice either, since I often wonder if it would be better if I could have a release like that straight away after a shock a tragedy a terror but I don’t.

I can’t.

So I just looked at her instead, looked and tried to distance myself from the scene to try and figure it out objectively as my heart hammered painfully and I felt dizzy and sick from fear and adrenaline.

And she didn’t like that, not one bit at all. I could tell.

I could tell because I don’t like it when it happens to me.

I sigh again, knowing that if I don’t do it now it will just be harder to later. I don’t really want to do it and I don’t really have to do it, but I know that it will rest on my mind, lightly at first, but then burrowing deeper and deeper until all my thoughts are consumed and defined by it and then I have to do it, and it could be - as it often has been - at the expense of something more important.

The glorious symptoms of minor OCD I congratulate myself sardonically.

If Ashley didn’t like my looking at her she certainly isn’t going to like this, but I know that I will eventually do it anyway, so it may as well be now.

Why fight destiny right?

Especially if it’s a destiny of your own making.

I get up from the sand slowly, knowing where he is and take my time to walk as casually over to him as possible.

Which is probably not casual at all; it’s probably like when you’re drunk and know you’re drunk but don’t want to appear drunk, so you make an effort to walk as upright and normally as possible but just succeed in drawing attention to how pissed you really are.

Oh I must reek of regret right about now...

I come up to where he’s sitting outside his tent and stop, waiting respectfully while he lowers the book he’s reading from the light of the flickering fire at his side.

‘Help you sweetheart?’ The man called Sawyer asks slowly, looking at me curiously as I clasp my hands behind my back and stand up straighter.

‘Yes,’ I reply crisply, my eyes leaving his to travel over the dark horizon as I take a breath.

‘I need one of the hidden guns you keep denying you have, and if you can guarantee your silence I have something very worth your while to give in exchange.’

*****

[firebreathingfishies]

Ooooh that was brilliant! So the plot thickens lol! I sense Ethan is going to have a bit more to say on the situation, seeing as he's acting so creepy and skulking off into the jungle. I loved the conversation between him and Ellie, she seems genuinely freaked out by him. And her reaction to Ashley is great too, the way she's bitter that she hasn't apologised anymore and Locke's off with her. It's something I would think too if that had happened. And paranoia is always good But ooooo why does she want a gun? Ellie doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would wave a gun in someone's face. She's not going to do an Ana-Lucia, is she?

As usual, it's brilliant I'm going to have to read over my last chapter because I've kind of forgot what happened lol. And last week my computer completely went balls up with a virus, and I just had to pay £60 to get it back on, only to find that aaaall my stuff has been wiped off. And I was too stupid to make backups

And yah I'm peachy thanks Apart from the losing of all my written stuff Hope you're peachy too! I'll probs start writing my bit tomorrow sometime. I was going to start now, but I've just noticed it's nearly 12 lol!

[Kiowa Warrior]

Ah thanks very much! Yeah I wanted to give Ethan a bit more to say while I had the chance rather than going straight into the Ellie/Ashely saga, since I reckon we've got enough time to go into that and I didn't want to rush it too much either, like have them confront one another straight away and everything comes out soon. Just wouldn't be as dramatic or interesting I thought, lol. And Ethan in my view is (for what reason?) just getting a bit jumpy about the real crash survivors finding out about the Island in any great depth...and I just assumed he's the Ethan of the series, as in he's a surgeon with the Others and is faking being a survivor if that's ok?

And yeah I would have felt irritation if I were in Ellie's position as well, so that's why I wrote it! lol Just fed up of going through one thing after another and rather than completely buckle under all the pressure she sort of doesn't care as much - like she's become saturated with fear and wondering what to do and how to do it - and is more free to actually get on and do something that may work and may not, but she has to try. If any of that makes sense! I can't see her as being a trigger happy bully, but who knows what she's going to do with a random gun!

Thanks again, and I'm sure when you get the story sorted in your head and write the next bit it will be great as always! Sorry to hear about your computer: I hate it when they mess you about. My battery is completely dead, meaning that it doesn't charge at all, and I can have my laptop on main power for hours and hours and then get all of one minute battery life out of it.