The Boone Identity

[The_abbott]

Too good NOT to be on this site. This is one of the admins past stories. A Classic.

The Boone Identity - Part 1

*locke and Boone are in the caves making glue*

Boone "John?.."

Locke "Yes Boone?" [looks up at Boone]

Boone "Who am i?"

Locke "You are who you are, Boone" [Sighs]

Boone "John?.."

Locke [rather impatiently] "What is it Boone!?"

Boone "Why am i here..i mean, why am i the way i am?"

Locke "Youre here Boone because the island wants you here, because this is your destiny"

*Boone struggles to understand*

Boone "Whats d-e-s-t-i-n-y?"

Locke "Destiny Boone, destiny is your purpose, your furture"

Boone "So whats my destiny John?"

[A wicked look washes accross Lockes face]

Locke "Your destiny is to go into the jungle at night alone and bring back the skeleton thats in the Black Rock"

Boone "Oh no, im scared..I,I don't think i could do that, im not brave like you"

Locke "Boone, this is why youre here this is what youre supposed to do dammit!"

Boone "I dont know..."

Locke "There's a bunch of pens in the Black Rock.."

Boone "Really, im on it..see you in the morning"

[Excitedly begins to pack hi s stuff and marche sinto the dark jungle]

Locke [calls out] "Boone!"

Boone "Yes, master..i mean John?"

Locke "See you on the other side son" [wicked glint in his eye]

Boone "I'll be a new man the next time you see me John..a new man"

[Boone sets of into the jungle by himself with a wild look in his eyes]

Boone "Must get the pens, must get the pens"

*Locke wipes his brow and takes a deep sigh of relief knowing that the bothersome Boone is out of his scalp once and for all*

Locke "Tehe, 'see you on the otherside', what a sucker, Tehehehe"

TBC

[The_abbott]

The Boone Identity - Part 2

*Kate is on the beach helping Michael and Jin to mend the raft*

Michael "Hey, Jin..pass me the bamboo would ya?"

*Jin picks up Kate and carries her over to Micheal*

Michael "Nooo, baaambooooo, thats Kate, i dont want her!"

Kate "Pah, thanks..no one wants me"

Michael "Aw im sorry Kate, hey why dont jin and i go and catch you a nice fish for your supper to show you how much we appreciate you?"

Kate "Would you..for meee?" *puppydog eyes*

Micheal "Of course, come on Jin lets go fishing"

*Jin and Michael go fishing whilst Kate takes a nap on the raft*

*enter Boone*

Boone "Hmmm, this must be the black rock ship-thing that Locke was talking about..oh and theres the skeleton!"

*picks up Kate who is still sleeping*

Boone "Oh John is going to be so proud of me! hmm, but where are the pens he promised me..there not here..he lied to me! "

*an angry boone stomps back to the caves (with Kate on his back) where locke is building a kennel for vincent made out of glue and twigs*

Boone "Hey!"

Locke "Boone, youre alive?"

*Locke is shocked and disappointed that Boone came back unscathed, he tries to cover it up*

Locke "I mean, wow, long time no see, how are you?..i missed yhou so very much what with your wit and your..erm..eyebrows to keep me warm at night and all.."

Boone "You lied to me! you told me there would be pens at the black rock and all i found was this stinking carcas of a skeleton!"

Locke "Let me see that skeleton..hmm, looks like it's about 50 years old..plenty of wear and tear..oh and lets see the sex"

Boone "Sex? me..no, of couse i didnt, me and shannon are siblings, we'd never do such things" *goes all red*

*Locke looks at boone in amazment and bewilderment*

Locke "Im meant the gender of the skelton dimbo..what you and shannon do in your own time is no business of mine..but next time can you tell shannon to wear a pair of high heels, that always does it for me" *drools*

Boone "WHAT!..you were watching us? How could you John, thats an invasion of privacy..dont ever do that again"

Locke "Dont tell me what i cant do dammit!"

*Locke and Boone square up as Kate wakes up from her slumber*

Kate "Hey, whats going on..how did i get to the caves?"

Boone "Argh..its alive..the skelton..its alive!!" *jumps into Lockes arms*

Locke "Shhhh, we dont want to frighten it.."

Kate "Heyyy, its me guys..you know..Kate"

Boone "Cake?..pah, i would never eat cake from a stranger..unless of course he had a bunch of pens" *drools*

Locke *whispers* "Boone..on the count of three, were going to make a run for it.."

Boone "Ok"

Locke "One..laters!" *Locke scarpers the scene*

Boone "Heyy..dont leave me..please dont leave me!"

*is this the end for Boone [again]..will John's legs pack up on him once more?..will Kate ever convince them that shes not a freak of nature?..will Michael and Jin catch any fish..find out on the next episode of: The Boob Boone identity!*

[The_abbott]

The Boone Identity - Final Chapter

Boone "Are you going to hurt me strange being?"

Kate "Boone, for the last time it's me Kate!"

Boone "Your not Kate, youre trying to trick me..my mama warned me about people like you"

*begins to quivver with fear*

Kate "Ok, look..how can i prove it to you?"

Boone "Well the Kate i know had a nice set of pens on her"

*Kate blushes*

Kate "Oh Boone, you are a charmer..i never knew you liked my pins so much. Well if i show you them will you believe me?"

Boone "Boy would i!" Now panting with excitement*

Kate "Ok..well todays your lucky day as ive just had them shaved and everything!"

*begins to take her jeans off to show Boone her pins [legs]*

Boone "Eh..w,what are you doing strange creature?"

Kate "Im showing you my pins like you asked"

Boone "B,But those dont look like no pens i ever seen..those there look like legs"

Kate "Duh, well of course dofuss..pins..legs..geez, no wonder Locke tried to get rid of you!"

Boone "Shut up..i dont like you and i dont want to see youre scaley legs"

*Kate gives boone a sad and distant look*

Boone "Now youre tryng to curse me with your evil stare huh, well i wont fall for it..i may be a boob but my names Boone and from this day forth no-one will ever trick me again!

*tumbleweed Kate blows past as a strong wind catches her and sweeps her away inbto the dark territory*

Boone "haha..that'll teach it for trying to scare me..todays a new day in the life of Boone. Indeed, a new, clever, wise Boone shall be king of this here island. Ah, im so glad ive finally found myself and no know what the inner-Boone represents*

*Boone walks into a tree, the pen that was in his shirt pocket stabs him in the chest and the ink pours into his veins..he later passes away from a 'mysterious blood disorder'.*

[kirsty290182]

Wow..that was......interesting. I have only 1 comment..Would Locke really say "dimbo" ?

[D-Roc]

Haha ..I'd forgotten all about that Abbs! Brings back some good memories..i really feel like thinking some fresh ones up now..but without Boone theres less targets!

I suppose theres still a comedy element to Kate..and Charlie!

I might knowck one up this weekend!

[kirsty290182]

Please do, it made me laugh, your very...er...talented...