Sayid'll Fix It
[DAY ONE: 9.00am]
Sayid: I wonder what incompetent morons will turn up at my garage today?
[Goes inside, passing a helicopter made out of bamboo and elastic bands. Only moments after behind inside, the door bangs open and in runs Locke with Boone thrown over his shoulder]
Locke: Sayid! I need you to fix Boone!
Sayid: [sighing] John, this is the third time you have been here with Boone this week. Do you not perhaps think that you should be a bit more careful with him?What happened this time?
Locke: We were fishing. I thought I saw a shark so I sent Boone in the water to make sure it was a shark. I would have gone in myself but I had a uh… charlie horse.
Charlie: What are you doing with my bloody horse?
Sayid: Silence, Charlie. Please keep mopping. Now John, you cannot send Boone to do ridiculous and dangerous things whenever you feel like it. You are taking advantage of his innocent and rather naïve personality.
Locke: Well I suppose I’ll just have to find someone else to do my dirty wor… I mean, hang out with. [looks to Charlie] Could I borrow him?
Charlie: I’m not going anywhere with you you bloody crazy sod.
Sayid: You can take him once he is finished mopping. Now please, can you lay Boone on the table while I go and get my specialist in Boone related injuries.
[Locke drops Boone hard on the table, breaking his arm in the process. Sayid leans behind the counter and pushes a buzzer]
Jack: [through the speaker] Yes? [sniff]
Sayid: Jack, Boone is back. We need you up here.
Jack: [sniff] Yeah I’ll… I’ll just be [sniff] I’ll just be a minute.
Sayid: Are you okay Jack?
Jack: [sniff] Yeah… I just… I’ve just been chopping an onion… [sniff] because I’m making a lasagne… for one [sobs]
Sayid: Okay, Jack. [turns off the speaker] He may be a while. Is it possible you could explain to me exactly what happened?
Locke: [standing by the garage door pushing the button, making the door open and close] This is a good button. Not too stiff, not too loose.
Sayid: John, could you please stop that?
Locke: Don’t tell me what I can’t do!!
Sayid: I did not tell you to do anything, John. I asked you if you could stop.
Locke: Oh. Okay. Very well. [stops pushing the button]
[The door behind the desk opens and Jack comes out, eyes red and puffy. He stumbles towards the table where Boone is and looks him over]
Sayid: What do you think then, Jack?
Jack: We’re going to have to amputate his leg.
Locke: But the shark bit his arm.
Jack: Are you questioning my diagnosis John!? Who’s the doctor here? You or me?
Sayid: I feel I have to agree with Locke. It seems unnecessary to remove his leg.
Boone: Yeah, my leg’s fine really.
Jack: He’s delusional. Sayid, I need some of that heroin. I can at least make him comfortable.
Boone: But I’m okay, really-
[Jack knocks him out]
Sayid: Charlie, could you go get the medicinal heroin from Jack’s cupboard? [gives Charlie the keys]
Charlie: Sure [runs off and locks the door behind him]
[Two hours pass]
Jack: He’s been gone too long.
Sayid: Yes. Perhaps it was a bad idea to send the ex-junkie to the medicinal cupboard.
Jack: I’m just going to have to take the leg without the heroin.
Boone: But I’m fine! Please don’t take my leg Jack!
[Jack knocks him out]
Jack: Sayid, get my amputating saw. [rubs his hands together] Now Boone, this may hurt a little…
Boone: …..
|