[lost-lover]

CHAPTER 11

I hovered in front of Leo trying to read his mood and trying to think of what to say. I knew I'd say sorry, even though I wasn't sorry about leaving him behind. Well, I was sorry for abadoning him in Leeds without a word, but I wasn't sorry for leaving him to come to London. God, even in my head it sounds stupid so how do I say it out loud? I'm very rarely lost for words, so I hate this situation right now. Thankfully, Leo made the first move; stepping forward and pulling me into a hug. I waited a second to confirm he wasn't trying to crush me before hugging him back - I'm way too paranoid.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to his chest.
"It's forgotten." he said. I knew it wasn't. It'd be a long time before he forgot, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. The guilt in my chest intensified again.
"I'm not mad at you." He said. Reading my mind again.
"That's bull." I mumbled.
Leo chuckled. "Maybe I'm a little mad."
"Sorry to interrupt the reunion," Said Jack from the doorway. I could tell from his voice that he was both amused and annoyed by my reaction to Leo's reappearence. "But Cass had something she wanted to ask you about tomorrow."
I blinked, confused. Then I remembered that I'd asked Jack to watch me from a distance rather than have him and Leo playing at being bodyguards. The three of us sat down and I explained my demand to Leo, though of course I acted as though I was waiting for approval, for some reason he doesn't like me making demands.
"Alex knows what I look like Cass." Said Leo, after a short pause.
"If I'm going in disguise then so can you two." I replied.
"You're going in disguise?" Jack repeated, confused.
Leo smirked. "You haven't seen Alex before, have you Jacko?" Jack glared at the nickname and Leo's smirk grew wider. I rolled my eyes as Leo continued. "Cass looks like a mirror image of him, though luckily she doesn't share his attitude, well, most of it
"So if I show up looking like my self," I continued, ignoring the last part of Leo's comment. "The cops will know I'm a relative, and since Andy denied ever having a daughter, it might raise a few eyebrows."
"So how's he gonna know it's you?" Asked Jack.
"He bought me a necklace for my birthday the year before he went to prison, I'm gonna wear that so he knows it's me. I've got all the jewellery I need in my suitcase." I replied.
"All the jewellery?" Jack repeated. "What other jewellery do you need?"
"That's my business." I said sharply. Too sharply.
Jack's eyebrows went up in surprise and confusion, Leo gave me a look of sympathy. I saw Jack getting ready to ask another question and excused myself, saying I need to go over my disguise for tomorrow. As I left the room I heard Jack ask Leo what was wrong with me. I didn't need to eavesdrop to know Leo told him to mind his own business.
I closed the door to my bedroom and let out a sigh, fighting the memories that I knew would be overwhelming me tomorrow. I pulled out my suitcase and took out the only thing that hadn't been put in a drawer or the wardrobe - a small wooden box. Opening it, there were two boxes of black velvet; I ignored the first one, a rectangular box which held the necklace Alex had given me, my gaze focussed on the smaller one - a tiny square box. Holding my breath, I took it out in trembling hands, opening it to reveal a white gold ring. I slipped it on to my wedding finger, as it was intended to be for so long ago. I sat on the bed staring at the small piece of metal that held so many memories and so much heartache for me. After all this time, I can still remember receiving it from my fiance, just as I still remember meeting him.
As I've said, I used to flirt with my Dad, Andy's, business associates and their lackeys, generally to annoy the hell out of Pops and weaken his underworld connections. Back then, I was just 20, and I was still connected to the family because I was still close with my brothers, Alex and Richard. But because things with Dad were never good, I wasn't living at home, despite this, I often showed up to visit my brothers and my mother. Then one day when I was visiting Andy brought home a new associate from London, and as I've said before, I'm an Oxford native. So, after much coaxing from my mother, the domestic goddess and long-suffering wife to my father, I was persuaded to stay, even to "tidy myself up to make a better impression". To be honest, I only stayed because I knew the bloke had lackeys and bodyguards with him, and I just saw it as an excuse to annoy Andy some more. What I didn't realise though was that the guy, who I'd found out was called Gary Ryan, had brought his son, Ben, with him.
I can still remember that first meeting, me strolling in wearing a little black dress, fully intending to drive Andy bonkers by flirting, when I ended up face-to-face with him. He was a year older than me, 6"2 in a tux, he had dark hair rather longer than the normal style, a tanned face and dark brown eyes. It was his which caught me. The expression - he's looked just as annoyed as me at being dragged along. I ended up spending most of the night chatting to him, and Andy just assumed I'd grown out of flirting with people to annoy him. Little did he know I'd fallen hard and fast for the son of a guy I'd later discovered to be his second-in-command. After I found out who his father was, I backed of Ben and refused to see him. He turned out to be almost as stubborn as me though. Leo turned out to be close pals with the guy, because like us, Ben hated his father's busniess. Ben persuaded Leo to deliver messages to me, asking me to meet him. In the end, he won me round and we began dating in secret, with only Leo knowing the truth. When he proposed a year later, I was walking on air.
Then it all changed. Ben's father, Gary, decided to leave the criminal life and go straight, something which Andy was less-than-keen on. Things escalated and my brother Richard tried to assassinate Gary. His attempt failed but the damage was done. While Gary was in hospital, I made the mistake of going to visit Ben to make sure he hadn't been hurt.
My other brother, Alex, now the new second-in-command, also showed up that night, to try to take out Ben. He caught us together, and I had to come clean about the whole relationship, including our engagement. Unsurprisingly, my brother was less-than-thrilled about my news. Long-story-short, I had to wrestle his gun from him to keep him from shooting Ben, then threaten him with a bullet to get him to leave. Of course, he told my family everything and they reacted worse than him. Things just went downhill from there.
I heard about my mother's death from Richard. He described it as an accident. Apparently she'd been attacked in the street and died from her injuries. Leo checked it out for me, and I found the circumstances to be a bit stange. Strange, that her attackers didn't take the engagement present that was addressed to me, and that the police never found her killer. Strange too, that she'd called me the day before to say she'd visit me to say congratulations, but it had to be when Andy wasn't around because he didn't approve of my future husband.
I mourned my mother in private, and estranged myself further from my family, other than continuing to make a name for myself in the underworld, determined to grow bigger than Andy, without the need to commit murder. Then one day Ben asked me to quit the underworld life like he and Gary had done. Gary, who'd moved to the States, and amazingly, approved of our relationship even after realising who my family was. After much talk, I decided to agree, and Ben said he'd back me up, by putting away the family that were like a chain around my ankle. He went to the police and told them everything he knew, everything I'd past on to him, about my family. Every incriminating detail, every intimidated witness, every little breach of the law. It promised to be one of the biggest arrests in history.
For our own safety, Ben and I went into Witness Protection, keeping contact only with Leo and Gary. Richard and Alex went down within a month and things started to look up again.
I hadn't counted on Alex's contacts in the police force though. He called up Andy - who'd escaped jail only because of his lawyer's extraordinary skill, and I think, bribing a few jury members - after calling his police contact out, and gave him our new address. Andy showed up one night when I was out with Leo, preparing to withdraw from the criminal underworld for good. We arrived back with a bottle of wine, preparing to celebrate with Ben. We found him semi-concious in our living room with a bullet-hole an inch below his heart. He died in my arms while we were still waiting for an ambulance. I received flowers from Andy a day later expressing his condolences. From that day on I threw myself back to the underworld, making contacts where ever I could, planning the death of the man who gave me life.
When I finally dragged myself from my memories my face was soaked with tears and it was 10 o'clock at night, an hour after I'd entered the room. I pulled myself into the bed, making no effort to stop the tears flowing from my eyes. When I heard a knock at my door, Leo saying my name, I pretended to be asleep. Eventually, when I felt myself drifting off to sleep, I wasn't thinking of my reunion tomorrow with Alex. I was thinking of a man I'd loved, who'd been killed because he was naive and foolish enough to believe in me, and that I could protect him from my family.