Not bad at all Mepples. I rather enjoyed. Like FBF, I'd quite like some paragraphs because it does make it easier to read. Perhaps try looking for a topic end and then making a new paragraph? Like for example:
Her heart pounded louder with every step she took. She moved quickly keeping low by the trees not wanting to be spotted. Her body ached with tiredness, her throat dry and screaming out for water but she couldn’t stop until she was out of the jungle. The air was hot and sticky, the moisture from the jungle made it ten times worse. The valley was close but she didn’t know how long she could keep walking. Her heart was still pounding, she didn’t want to think about what would happen when she got to beach, or if she;d even make it to the beach.
That would make one paragraph because that's where the topic seems to end?
But ignore me, I'm sure you know how to make paragraphs and I'm just slipping into teacher mode
It was really good though, plenty of description and a nice flow - and of course a cliffhanger!
I look forward to see what happens next!
