I think he genuinely considers Alex his daughter. I've always had a suspicious feeling that the reason why he was planning to hand over Alex to the survivors, ignoring the fact that she was a traitor to the Others' cause, was that he thought the end was nigh for the Others.
Ben calling Alex 'my daughter' would make his concern seem more genuine (not that it isn't), and imply to Danielle that it's the course of action a parent should take. That short line could be a masterclass in manipulation.
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He was a fool to refer to her as 'my daughter' in front of Rousseau though - for all his claims, he's a terrible manager of people.
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Maybe. He's great at getting under people's skins, as we saw from when he was in the hatch, but for anything other than that, we can only assume he's better than decent, given the loyalty of the vast majority of the Others.
It would be quite amusing if he was noising people up in this way, all the time inadvertently.